Tuesday, January 29, 2008

She-VJ

What happens if you take VJ and give it a vagina - a real vagina, not a metaphorical one?

AILEEN WUORNOS.

Incredible! But true: on Tuesday I met a woman named Sally at my old workplace (I had a job interview near the area, so I stopped by during lunch for a visit); she was annoying me in all the same ways VJ used to, except her mannerisms were just like in that movie Monster, and so I was scared on top of annoyed.

Brief aside: times like this make me miss the simple idiocy of VJ. He used to give me these wonderful "soundbyte" gems of character illustration, almost caricature, and I'm learning that this is much more rare than I would hope. I remember the last time I did a Loser Sketch was that Korean "mafia-connected" clown Andy, and it took me forever to catch the finer shades of his blundering, because it revealed itself in a roundabout way. I see that the Sally sketch is going to take some work as well, which must be why I postponed it on Tuesday to today, Friday.

Let's begin with the obvious: Sally looked just like Lee:
1. the same swagger in the walk. MOST EERIE.
2. sexual ambiguity
3. cut-off t-shirt: specifically, an extra-large t-shirt with the arms cut off
4. stringy hair...but not unstyled. Lee would volumize the sides, even if the rest was flat and greasy, while Sally wore these hideous bangs. They weren't bangs exactly, because they were as long as the hair in the back, but she pulled them forward over one side of her face, though the rest of the hair was tied back. Also, her hair was wavy, but the bangs were limp and straight.
5. rough skin. It's that sunburned/freckled look that seems to obliterate the features, like you might be looking at an eyebrow-less face.

EPISODE 1
Sally: ...A gives the best massages.
A: You know, it's one of those things I've always thought about doing. Quit this job, become a masseuse.
S: If you're serious about it, you should talk to me sometime, and I can tell you how to get started with it. There was a time in my life when I wasn't sure what I wanted to do - I was doing a lot of blow, and dealing, and partying with rock stars every night, and it was too good for me to give up - so I checked out massage therapy school. It turns out I gave worse massages after the school than before, but whatever, if you want to do it, you have to get a license. A lot of hookers -
A: [laughs]
S: No, it's not what you think I'm going to say!
A: Just the phrase: "a lot of hookers."
S: I know I have a million stories about hookers, but I swear this isn't one of them. I was GOING to say: a lot of hookers advertise as massage therapists, so they've been getting busted a lot. If you want to do it as a business, you have to get licensed. But anyways, here's how you would set it up...
[description. Very "Lee" in the employment of hand gestures: like an executioner!]
...you'd still have to keep this job, you know, so you don't go broke, but do this on the side, during your lunch breaks. But seriously, you should talk to me about it.

EPISODE 2
"My teacher [from massage school?] hooked me up with a lot of people. She's great. I helped her move one time, and I said up front, 'You know why I'm doing this, right? See all those stairs? I'm not doing this because I need the money, I wouldn't be doing it for just that. I'm doing this because I know you have connections and I want you to hook me up.' She understood."

EPISODE 3
A story about doing hash all day long in Amsterdam, and all the varieties and frequency thereof. No need to repeat it in detail, because we've all heard it before from that kind of dude who's a college freshman just back home on break after his first semester of freedom. But that's precisely what was so off about it: as with VJ, you don't expect to hear about certain topics as the substance of bragging after a certain age.

EPISODE 4
S: E, we were talking before about your new boyfriend. How come I haven't met him before?
E: Oh. He was just here. We went to lunch, but he dropped me off because he had to be somewhere.
S: What's he like?
E: He's really nice.
S: Is he cute?
E: Um, yeah.
A: He looks a bit like...sorry E, I don't mean to this come off the wrong way, but he kind of looks like E.
E: It's okay, I've heard that before. We're both blonde, blue-eyed.
Me: You'll have harmonious-looking children.
S: Yeah, or children that would be good to sell. My best friend is looking to buy a little girl, and I bet she'd love one of yours. She even has a name picked out: Shelby
A: Shelby is cute.
Me: [stunned, mute. Not only is the concept CREEPY AS ALL HELL, but SELBY was the name of Lee's lover. True, the real-life "Selby" had a different name, and Selby is still different from Shelby, but I couldn't get it out of my head that Shelby is exactly the kind of name a serial killer would love.]
S: We've talked so much about Shelby already that sometimes I forget she's not real. The other day I was talking to my friend's husband on the phone, and I was like, "How's Shelby?" He's like, "Who?" and I was all, "Oh yeah, you don't know about her yet! Just my imaginary godchild."

EPISODE 5
E: I'll be spending a few days in Vegas during Valentine's Day.
S: What are you going to do there? See some shows?
E: Yeah, shows. Maybe some clubs, if we can get in.
S: Don't worry about that, I'll hook you up. But you have to see a show if you're in Vegas.
E: Aren't they expensive? We don't really have a lot of money right now.
S: There are ways around that. You have to talk to the right people, and a lot of times you can get a deal right before the show. If they haven't sold out, they might as well give you the seats instead of letting them go empty, right? Anyways, my friend Pamela - who's whoring her ass off in Vegas - might be able to get you tickets. We're not talking right now, but that's okay, I can call her about THIS, and not mention the other thing. I'll call her up [gestures an imaginary phone, like Lee in that scene when she's talking about office jobs] and say, "Hey, I need some tickets." And she'll be like, "I thought we weren't talking." "We're not, not about that thing, I'm still pissed about that. But that doesn't mean I can't call you about something else if I need it." "Oh, so you want to talk about this, but not that?" "Yeah, and you should think really carefully about if you want to go there. All the blackmail I have on your ass, and you really want to go there?" She'll say, "No, you're right, we don't have to talk about that." Haha! Time will heal all wounds. Anyways, make sure you call me before you go to Vegas.
E: I will. Maybe we can go to the Playboy club?
S: Oh, the Playboy club shouldn't be hard to get into.
A: Yeah, that's a great Valentine's Day: honey, let's go see strippers -
S: No, I meant, I should have AT LEAST enough clout to get the Playboy club, no problem.
Me: I bet they'll have something special on Valentine's Day...like a Girls Next Door filming! I love them these days, especially Kendra.
S: Ugh, Kendra is such a slob, I hate her!
A: [to me] That's her show, so she knows them all.
Me: Really? That's pretty cool.
S: Oh yeah, I hang out with them all the time. Kendra is the only one I don't like. You know how I am, I'm really organized [serial killer, haa...] and neat and punctual, and she's a sloppy mess. I told her, "You better clean up your act and start showing up on time," but she didn't listen, so I left her out of my picture. She's the only one who didn't get in. I told her there would be consequences...
Me: Yeah, but she's so funny on tv!
S: I'm warming up to her. I found out that she's a great golfer - I mean, the girl is really strong - so now there's something that I actually need from her. I'm working on getting my game up, so I'll hang out with her, and we're pretty cool these days.

EPISODE 6 (recurrent)
Insistence that E come over to her house sometime for a pool party and a PHOTO SHOOT by the pool. Can you say YIKES!!!? That's the trick Jeffrey Dahmer used on his victims! I don't know if E actually shat her pants with fear in secret; on the outside she just said, "Okay, that sounds like fun," but that's like like saying 2 + 2 = 5: not true, and retarded.

* * *
Incidentally, I don't think I ever wrote a response to Monster, because I believe I saw it in small chunks whenever it played on IFC, and I think I almost saw it backwards (the last 5 minutes the first time, then the last third, then the first third, then the first half, etc.) Anyways, here's what I think about it: the ending is so beautiful. Some might call it unrealistic and romanticized, but I thought it captures every anguish of betrayal perfectly. It's such a creative way to give that bit of artistic elevation - and thematic redemption - to a story that's sordid through and through, and a line of storytelling that's generally sad and uncomfortable.

Monday, January 28, 2008

That Hamilton Woman

Vivian Leigh always has a way of playing the same character - an unconventional romantic, also somewhat batshit - but this one told a wonderful story. The movie is also rather true to life, they say: kitchen maid, hooker, mistress, wife of nobility, chums with foreign royalty, society fashionista, and lover of the national hero Lord Nelson...and then to the debtor's prison, and death in poverty. Such a tragic love story.

Perhaps she is most famous to the pop consciousness now as the muse to the painter George Romney. I didn't even know it until now, but her face was already famous to me because they used one of the Romney portraits as the cover of my paperback edition to Wuthering Heights.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Basic Instinct

SNOOZERS! I can't believe people loved this movie as much as they did. They must have been blinded by all the coochie shots. The only reason I made myself sit through the whole thing was because I had to know who the icepick killer was. It turned out to be the obvious one, the one they suspected 10 minutes into the movie.

I did, however, learn one important thing from this movie: in 1992, being lesbian legitimately made you a murder suspect, while being a closeted lesbian gave cops the right to shoot you.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Capricorn, After All

I always thought it was biggest load of horseshit that my horoscope would sing praises about how organized and disciplined I am. Haha! I'm such a flake, I'd rely on everyone else I know before I start relying on myself. But apparently it's all a sliding scale. Today's job interview got cancelled because of an "emergency meeting," said the phone call I got less than two hours before the appointment, while I was on the road (having woken up 2 hours before that for hair, makeup, and breakfast). It's rescheduled for Tuesday, so everything's not a complete unfortunate mess yet, but still I'm starting to lose my faith in how the world manages to function. I'm not very organized, but I'm also not THAT disorganized. If someone writes me an important (business) email, I respond, usually within minutes or hours. If I have an appointment to meet someone, I keep it. Okay, I concede it's pretty acceptable to call 2 hours before and notify the person if you have an emergency...but really, are there so many emergencies in the world? Maybe it's just me, I never have such important stuff come up that it can't wait. I get held up a lot, and I'll arrive late, or there have been rare occassions of medical or safety emergencies...

While I'm puzzling over how it is that the world works, I'm reminded of the mystery of canine survival. You assume that before dogs and people started to cohabitate, dogs were perfectly competent at taking care of themselves. That's why, when my dog got a little injury the first time (it was a cut in his paw; he had been running around in the rose bushes), I figured he'd take care of it and the cut would heal just like any other. But a few days later, it had gotten far worse; the dog kept licking it until it got bigger and more painful. Finally we had to bind it up so that he couldn't bother it.

Now my dog has another never-ending wound, because he won't leave it alone. He got into a scuffle last week at the dog park, and though I saw some displaced fur, there was no blood, so I figured it was no big deal. The next day he showed a big soaking gash on his back. Now I know it's because his licking tore up the wound overnight. We disinfected it and assumed we fixed the problem, but no. Finally, yesterday, I succumbed to getting one of those tragic-looking head cones for the dog.

As I look at him, looking so uncomfortable and unnatural in that cone, I think, (1) you totally brought this on yourself, and (2) in the wild, if you were to get hurt, would that mean you'd continue bleeding non-stop until the day you died?

Thursday, January 24, 2008

The Stimulus Plan

There's something so "bread-and-circus" like about this whole proposal. I never would have imagined that our budget had room to dole out plain hard cash to the American people. I haven't read much about where this money is supposed to come from, but my guess is that's it's going to be more borrowing, and I always thought that was part of the problem?

$300 isn't enough to solve any real household economic problems, and a lot of people who qualify for it (like me) aren't going to turn homeless without it. I think that money could do more good going through some kind of a filter system, like targeting the housing crisis people - rather than this general "middle-class or aspiring middle-class" population. As for the poor (again, like me), I speak from personal experience when I say that we'd be much happier getting a job than pulling in some goverment relief.

And that was the shocker of all shockers: I completely went "WTF??!!" when I found myself agreeing with the conservative Republicans about this. I guess I am fiscal conservative-ish. The Democrats are pushing for more unemployment benefits, and when I read that I immediately thought: FRANCE. Hehe. No, but seriously, I've been hearing in recent months that the unemployment rate is getting problematic; instead of accepting it and putting a band-aid over the consequences - as admirable of a goal as that is - shouldn't we be looking for a more systematic solution?

I don't know, maybe that's what this whole stimulus scheme is supposed to accomplish. Increased confidence in one's assets equals increased spending, equals improved economy. But that's what seems so bread-and-circus about it: it's a plan that relies on people's psychological moods instead of a real solution to a deeper social problem. Maybe things now are way different from the way they were in Rome. But then again, maybe not.

Bust

The freelance job is falling through. I got an email on Saturday night that said they wanted me to turn something in by Wednesday midnight; I was to read over the material and reply with questions, after which they would send me a template for my first assignment. I replied on Monday afternoon, and to this minute I've received neither an answer to my last email nor the promised template.

I'm concluding that if my liaison is this disorganized, I may never see a check, even if I turn in work. Thus, I'm shelving this project until they contact me.

One down, one left. LSAT interview tomorrow.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

3:10 to Yuma

Good stuff! It taps into my weakness for idealism - beliving in something worth dying for, and redemption for a flawed man.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

If you want something done, get a busy person to do it

This blog is an excellent example of that adage: ever since I've become wholly unbusy, I've stopped blogging. Meanwhile, when I was busy, I'd spend the whole afternoon with this useless enterprise, so that I'd have to stay up all night finishing up the important stuff. Part of the problem is the sheer inertia of doing nothing, but there's also that aspect of my becoming more mentally sluggish, so I have less to say.

All in all, life is good. I'm not stressed about the present or worried (too much) about the future, and I'm not depressed. The days get a bit lonely and boring, but I manage to divert myself reasonably well. I've been surfing a lot, and I find simply beautiful that I'm able to do that in the middle of a sunshiny day in the middle of a winter week, in California. That kind of lifestyle was not meant for this world for long.

Sunday: the whole day was spent surfing, shopping, dining, and napping. A quintessential OC day. I also got on a motorcycle for the first time in like 20 years, and it was one of the most frightening experiences of my life. Only last year's bat-in-apartment incident terrified me more. It's not the falling off part that's scary (I wore leather for that very precaution), it's the part where the other cars start running over you after you fall off (which no amount of leather or helmet can shield).

I may have two jobs soon. The extra income would great, and it would be a nice balance between going out for (part time) work and working from home. I have an interview this Friday with the lsat teaching job, and I'm in the middle of my first freelance writing assignment for the SAT prep program. I suppose technically neither job is in the bag yet, but I'm optimistic that I won't blow at least one of them.

I asked my parents to remind me later that I have an interview on Friday morning. My mom said that she was going to let me sleep in so that I'll finally learn my lesson and start waking up earlier. Oh no, I replied, getting up isn't the biggest problem. I'm more worried about losing track of the days and not realizing when it's Friday. Time has no movement when you're unemployed.

Luckily there's tv to help us layabouts structure the week. Tonight is the new Law and Order SVU. Unfortunately for me, that's about the only network show I make a schedule for. I often end up watching Ugly Betty on Thursdays, but I'm indifferent to it.

Yesterday I saw Gallows play at Chain Reaction. I think it was my first hardcore show, which I soon discovered is a mere euphemism for "injury lawsuit waiting to happen." There was a point when my right arm got caught in the mosh pit, and I had to twist all kinds of muscle from bone to get my arm back - and I was one of the people avoiding the pit. It still hurts a little. What irritates me is that way the people onstage get all unhappy if people are standing still, and egg on the moshers more. It's not a reflection on their performance; it's just that different people have different preferences for enjoying the show.

I really liked the opening band: This Is Hell.

Observation: short people gravitate toward punk. I've had this thought before. I was about 5'8" in shoes yesterday, and I towered over men/boys and women/girls alike. I was at least half a head taller than 2/3 of the people there. Perhaps it's because they haven't finished growing yet, but it looked like almost everyone was post-pubescent. In fact, I was surprised by the relatively older crowd; usually Chain Reaction, an all-ages, no-bar venue, totally draws the Pimple Squad.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Fun Day!

I went surfing today, and didn't get totally annihilated. I only got sort of annihilated. After last week's closed-out sets, on which I foolishly persevered, I had lost a lot of hope of ever having fun on the waves again. Luckily, either I improved, or today's sets were much more manageable. Next time I go...who knows, sky's the limit!

I have a new break, and a new love: I love, love, LOVE Huntington Beach. That's where I'll live when I grow up. It has all the comforts of the slow-paced, reasonably uncongested, strip-malled suburbs, but it's also close enough to LA. I also hear there's quite a local punk scene in HB (and Long Beach). Add to that, there's a doggie beach (like a dog park, but on the beach; not to mention there's ANOTHER dog park a few blocks in), so what improvement could one possibly dream for? Oh I know, how about a long stretch of serene, longboarding surf? HB's Bolsa Chica State Park provides just that.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Edward Scissorhands

This is an important case study for us shallow people:
1. Johnny Depp never looked LESS HOT than he did in this movie. He was something between a sad clown and a scary clown, not to mention unwashed and freaky.
2. Johnny Depp was never more ADORABLE than he was in this movie. His Edward Scissorhands was heartaching when he spoke, stood, walked, smiled, hugged, etc.

Discuss.

Tim Burton is quite fucked up. Of all the things that could be scary in this movie, you wouldn't expect Suburbia to be the scariest. I underestimated the versatility of the warped vision behind Batman and The Nightmare Before Christmas.

Old Boy

Say what you want about the Virginia Tech crazy, he had some taste when it came to Korean cinema.

This is a movie that requires a big spoiler alert. It should be watched, but the horror and revulsion, and triumph and pathos, won't be the same if you have any previous knowlege about anything that goes down.

......................................

It is a perfect Greek tragedy. It has all the impeccable symmetry of Sophocles' Oedipus, but with no reservations in the gross-out factor; at least Oedipus blinded himself offstage. Also, the villain could have used some work. I think they were going for psychopath when they developed him, but then they put him in this somewhat plausible revenge quest, so that his motivations became very confused, and ceased to make a whole lot of sense.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Red Dragon

What a letdown. They should have called it Silence of the Lambs Part 2, because they didn't change a single thing about the plot. I was looking forward to this movie because I thought it was going to be about the capture of Hannibal Lecter - the story goes Hannibal was a practicing psychiatrist whom an FBI agent was consulting in order to profile and catch a serial killer...only to realize that the doctor was the very killer he was hunting. But that plot was merely a 5 minute prologue to the movie, and the rest of it was about how the FBI agent visits Hannibal in his cell (like Silence/Lambs) to get clues about a different serial killer (like Silence/Lambs) who happens to be obsessed with self-transformation (like Silence/Lambs), and to do this job, the FBI agent endures the creepy inquisitiveness of the psych mastermind (like Silence/Lambs).

The truth is it wouldn't have been a bad movie, except for the villain. It was suspenseful enough. I was mostly irked by the total lack of originality.

But yes, the villain was definitely a problem. He made no sense. There was no why nor wherefore to his actions. He kills families, targeting the mother, because...it will make him the Red Dragon? He eats the Blake print because...he wants to stop being the Red Dragon? He has to kill his girlfriend, who is not a wife and mother like his other victims, because...the Red Dragon tells him to? Why the hell would the Red Dragon tell him to do that?

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Infantilization in a Capsule

My awesome friend's awesome friend, CM, hooked me up with a potential employer that might result in a teaching gig in Korea. CM is pretty super; this is the same person through whom I met Asshole #1, which admittedly didn't work out, but for a long time he was the dude of my dreams...

It's an impressive roster of friends, in any case.

Anways. I had never given any thought before - I mean serious thought - to this universal recommendation that I go travelling this year, or to my mom's perpetual suggestion that I get more Korean. But once I started thinking about it, it seemed like a great opportunity, too good to pass up (if it should happen). I know it's not one of those fraudulent gigs, and plus I've been needing to beef up my language skills for a while. I keep writing on my resume that I'm "fluent" in Korean, but that's not exactly true. After a month of immersion it will be true, but that's just it, that immersion wasn't looking like it was going to happen.

I spent like half an hour at dinner discussing with my parents the pros and cons of the job and all that. Unbelievably, the bulk of that conversation consisted of my parents reiterating, Make sure they pay you enough to cover living expenses.

For real??? THAT'S the topic of the debate? It was practically insulting! I tried to tell them that it was a given - that I was NOT going to take a job that was going to plunge me into debt - but I guess they have no faith - scratch that, negative faith - in my ability to leave the birth canal. They spent the next half hour describing the housing problems in Seoul, while I spent the next half hour explaining that this company was not a volunteer opportunity or an internship, and they that knew I was not a resident in Korea, that the company was run by Americans, that I found it unlikely that I would get paid a higher salary if I said I had no relatives in Korea I could live with...

Etc. etc. Sigh.

Current Audio

Destruction Unit
???

Young Widows
???

Battles
Atlas

IMF No More

International Music Feed is off the air, and yes, there is one person who noticed. I might not have noticed if the change were not so abrupt and sucky. IMF used to be a great placeholder for those commercial breaks, because it had fewer interruptions and more consistent programming than the other music channels.

Google News doesn't have much on the story; the best I could find was a little article from Fox News, which predictably was bad journalism. Their only source was Ovation TV, the company that acquired IMF, and the article only talked about how much Ovation TV has grown in the last year, and how the acquisition of this music resource is a strategic new piece for Ovation TV's empire building. As far as I can tell, it was not at all strategic for IMF (except maybe financially, like how CDNow (remember those days!) "benefitted" when they got absorbed into Amazon) because all the IMF programming got completely wiped out in the blink of an eye. I don't get it: isn't the point of an acquisition to USE what you're acquiring, rather than get rid of it? Presumably IMF had something that made the company desire it. If all they wanted was a channel number, any other random spot would have served just as well, because I have a hunch the old IMF viewers like me will not be returning to channel 157 after today. But what the hell do I know about business.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Current Audio

Gallows
Staring at the Rude Bois

Solomon Burke
Don't Give Up on Me

Also a happy birthday to my icon, David Johansen. I wish he were my birthday twin.