Note to Future Self

I got a giant check from my firm yesterday for no reason, other than they believe I'll contribute value in the future. It's quite astounding when you think about it, and I owe a great debt to the superhuman negotiating skills of the lawyers who came before me, straight out of law school and making ridiculous demands.

Perhaps the lesson from this is should act like an even bigger asshole whenever I can get away with it. I was reading some old blog posts where I was contemplating that I need to put my foot down more often so that I don't eat shit all the time. And my recent service on the KZSU board proved to me that most people are terrible leaders or managers, because they're too worried about being confused themselves that they don't put any thought into communicating a comprehensible message. I was basically the only person who could relate to the new student manager (the board told him to make a choice; he made a choice; the board wanted to veto it and then suggest the exact opposite choice) who was struggling under the direction of a disaggregated board that was punting all it's inability to find consensus onto him. In short, I was the only one who remembered what it's like to be ordered around, irrationally and with no opportunity to negotiate.

On the other hand, my view now is that in the grand scheme of things, nothing I have to offer now is really worth the compensation I'm getting. People are taking a leap of faith on me. So to that end, I should stop and think whenever I feel like complaining that my work is too boring, or my clients are too trivial, that the conversations I have to have are too insipid, or that people are trying to control me because I'm too pretty.

I should ask myself: is this a reaction a spoiled asshole would have? And if the answer is yes, I should cut it out.

The Beige Asian Bayesian

Margaret Cho must know Bayesian
statistics, because she jokes Asian
requires updates on age
from a priori of beige,
which looks younger - an inference that's "beige-ian."

Beach Shoes

If you wear beach shoes
with suits or formal wear, I'll
assume you're pregnant.

Upon Refusing My Rite of Passage

Outsider: I choose
to be. I cannot hope folks
have character, depth.

I think, not all folks
can lack integrity. But
then I fear to hope.

Cardigan Sweater.

Cardigan sweater:
warm, but not monolithic.
Friendly, versatile.

Cardigan sweater:
friendly, not monolithic,
unlike pullover.

Nepotism

I pledged $500 toward the class gift. Not because I'm so grateful law school has raped my wallet for the last three years. I did it purely out of the corrupt calculation that I might someday have kids who will want to go to Stanford or SLS, but because I raised them to be deadbeat no-accounts, wouldn't be able to get in on their own merits. And so I sowed the seeds for some good old-fashioned future nepotism.

This does not bode well for me. I'm officially on my way to becoming Shitty Mommy: already planning on spawning shifty kids, already planning on buying my way out of the consequences.

Excel

I hate Excel! Who
decided life needs mathy,
Byzantine spreadsheets?

I hate Excel! If
we need Byzantine spreadsheets,
we shouldn't do it.

Sean Penn

Madonna, Robin,
Sarandon, Portman, Scarlett:
What is Sean Penn's charm?

Circle Pitters

Selfish circle pit:
externalize harms, but take
no personal risk.

Quote of the Night

"Let me hear all you beautiful ladies in here!"
"Woooo!"
"You: shut up."

Humpty Hump

Do me baby! Do
the Humpty Hump. Come on and
do the Humpty Hump.

Whom Do Hipster-Haters Hate?

Hipster haters: you,
too, lost irony license,
used humorlessly.