Funny Idea

Psychic:
You know, there are worse ways to go, but I can't think of a less dignified way than auto-erotic asphixiation.

Mulder:
What? Why are you telling me this?

Psychic:
Nothing. Forget I ever said it.

So Freaking Shocked!

I can get into Stanford law but I can't get hired by that dog and pony show Testmasters? WTF!

It's a good thing I took the initiative in getting hired by a competing, albeit less well-paid, dog and pony show. At least it saves me the awkwardness of having to quit after 20 hours of training.

I wonder where my interview went wrong. I know already that I garner a greater advantage the less I talk...but what to do when I have to say something, like in an interview?

Seven Samurai

Ah, it kills me to say anything nice about the Japanese, especially their ethics. No really, my ancestors would literally want to strike me dead for thinking it. But I can't help loving Seven Samurai! I have an old weakness for honor, true heroism, ideals worth dying for. If I were in Plato's Republic I would have been in the auxiliary class instead of the philosopher class, because even though my forte is more in book-learning, and definitely NOT in sports, my soul would be better fed with the latter.

The anguish and helplessness of the villagers is so vivid and thick, within the first few words of the movie (land-tax! forced labor! war! drought! and now the bandits!), that you could cut it with a knife. The scene where Yohei tries to pick up the grains of rice off the floor one by one, because that's the only thing they have to pay the samurai is...simply eloquent.

"We are preparing for a war. There is no reward and no honor to be gained. Interested?"
"Yes."

"Again we are defeated. The farmers won, not us."

"What do you think of farmers? You think they're saints? Hah! They're foxy beasts! They say, "We've got no rice, we've no wheat. We've got nothing!" But they have! They have everything! Dig under the floors! Or search the barns! You'll find plenty! Beans, salt, rice, sake! Look in the valleys, they've got hidden warehouses! They pose as saints but are full of lies! If they smell a battle, they hunt the defeated! They're nothing but stingy, greedy, blubbering, foxy, and mean! God damn it all! But then who made them such beasts? You did! You samurai did it! You burn their villages! Destroy their farms! Steal their food! Force them to labour! Take their women! And kill them if they resist! So what should farmers do?"

What wonderful depth and complexity. In all aspects, the best and worst of human nature. Seven Samurai may not be as post-modern and cool as Rashomon, but there's no doubt I prefer it.

One last note about feudalism: apparently it's a synonym for anarchy

Interesting

I'm looking at the downloadable forms on the Kaplan website. It appears that at some point I will have to agree not to work for any competing business, eg Testmasters. I hope Testmasters gets back to me before this form is coerced on me. The pay is double, and the methods far superior. I'm not sure why Kaplan is so protective about their methods anyways; they're really not helpful at all. Basically, it can be summed up thus: look at the test and pick the best answer.

Last Tango in Paris

Uhh....what?

Depressing as all hell.

WTF pill was Jeanne on? I don't get her motivation at all. I can see how she's a certain kind of person drawn to the danger and taboo of the Brando, but I really don't see that person turing into a bipolar killer.

But unexpectedly!...

I really admired how they developed the Brando character. It could not have been an easy task, given the complexity: bereavement, cuckoldry, sadism, grief, lack of affect. And yet we totally get him.

Marlon Brando circa 1972 is actually still very good-looking. I was quite surprised. The only thing wrong is the Thomas Jefferson hairdo; it has a way of aging a man, and it definitely does not flatter the balding pattern.

Maria Schneider has the maddest bush I have ever seen. I doubt it could have fit under a swimsuit.

I'm going to risk looking like an ass and declare that this movie would have been rather boring if it were't for all the "artsy" sex. Although I'm not sure what makes it so artsy, except for how depressing it is. Normally I'd expect extreme high quality from the rest of the movie if it's going to save anal rape and, I dunno, poo-spraying or whatever, from the oblivion of pornography. But the story, from what I understand, is not that different from 9 1/2 Weeks, which surely is not art.

So is Last Tango in Paris art in spite of the smut or ONLY BECAUSE of the smut?

In conclusion, Maria Schneider has one epic bush.

Addendum:

I just read Roger Ebert's review of this movie. He explains the point I wasn't getting - what the fuck is up with Jeanne - by reiterating that her role is to be the object or thing. She is supposed to be too young and inexperienced to understand pain, and by extention, what her role is in Paul's sexcapade. She participates because there's no reason not to - indifferently, says Ebert.

I've been a girl before, and as such I hardly think this is the case. I'm convinced that you might have to be a man to accept this movie without perplexity, and really believe that it's a possibility for a woman (or any person) to exist as an indifferent object, an accessory, of another person's life. I think Jeanne keeps going back to Paul because she's a sexual person of a specific type (a masochist) and she can't express that need in her normal life. Why else would she get a addiction from rape, anal rape, humiliation, pain, etc? Society might try to convince me otherwise, but I don't really think that people are so lacking in feelings or self-respect that the only thing they'd feel is "indifference."

Red Letter Day

Today I got my first acceptance: Stanford!

!!!

Quote of the Day

An oldie but goodie. This movie was playing on tv last week, and since then the word "retarded" triggers an instant replay.

"Why do you have to be so masso... masso..."
"Masochistic."
"Masochistic? What does that mean?"
"It means someone who enjoys pain."
"Enjoys pain? What is she, retarded?"

- Bullets Over Broadway

Gainfully Employed

by Kaplan. It's about time! Getting a job is like molasses in January. Training starts next week.

More Retardedness

My interview today was FORGOTTEN (by the interviewer, not by me), and I went all the way there, in a 30 minute drive, so that they could reschedule it for tomorrow. Why does this happen to me every single time? How is it that American businesses stay in business?

I Learned Something New

They say that Latinos (or Mexicans specifically?) LOVE them some Morrissey: http://www.ocweekly.com/features/features/their-charming-man/21569/

I did not know that.

A Valuable Resource

It seems worthwhile to record for myself the highly well-researched information from www.beachpartymoviesmusic.com. I found it while I was putting together my Kaplan audition - I gave a 5 minute presentation on the beach party movies - and it answered much more than I needed for that project. Specifically, I was having a hard time tracing all the non-AIP movies, which form an extremely variegated cottage-industry. My all-time favorite beach party movie is, in fact, an imitation: It's a Bikini World. I was delighted to find that this site reported on my favorite, and as far as I've seen so far, it's the best source for an easy, one-stop compilation of all the other clones as well. I expect the section on the monster movies to be particularly helpful.

* * *

If imitation truly is the sincerest form of flattery, AIP heads James Nickolson and Sam Arkoff should have been quite impressed by 1965. For by that time the success of their Beach Party series had spawned a host of copies, many even distributed by major studios. Production of "clones" actually started in 1963, as soon as it became apparent that Beach Party was going to be the most financially successful film AIP had ever produced, and continued for the next four years.

In general, the imitations all had certain basic core elements of the genre in common. All featured dancing kids, and pretty -- usually bikinied -- girls. While most were set at the beach, other locations were also employed: ski slopes, college campuses, racetracks, small towns, and even a military base.

Of course, all contained lots of pop music, albeit almost all the clones varied somewhat from that area of the "AIP playbook" in several important ways: first, the films usually weren't scored as musicals; rather, they simply contained a bunch of non-script related stand alone pieces. Second, the storylines weren't always comedic; a number of clones discussed here are scripted as dramas, with a few even delving into the realms of mystery and horror. Third, the stars in the clones usually didn't sing; instead, contemporary pop artists were usually brought in to do the music, which was often their own material. This had two benefits: the copies didn't need to restrict casting to singing actors, and secondly, having current top 40 stars performing their supposed "hits" added major promotional benefit.

So here they are, the Beach Party clones (over two dozen in total), categorized by setting and in order of release (underlined ones in yellow are linked to score write ups). Note that ones with a * notation are known to contain particularly interesting/notable music (good scores and/or performances), and will be receiving priority in terms of getting a detailed score analysis page. (An additional technical note: all these films were shot and released in color unless noted otherwise.)

The "pure" clones (ones set on or near water, featuring surfers/waterskiers/whatever and bikinied girls)

Palm Springs Weekend (Warner Brothers, 1963) The earliest true clone. Was actually in production before Beach Party, but was tweaked during editing to mimic elements of the AIP film when the latter (which was released first) became a box office hit.

Surf Party (20th Century Fox, 1964) Produced in black and white. As the timing, title and casting of pop stars in lead roles imply, this is perhaps the most blatant Beach Party "ripoff." While it represents an earnest (and occasionally entertaining) attempt at a fully scored musical, it's seriously hobbled (despite the best efforts of Bobby Vinton, Jackie DeShannon and a cute, cute, cute Patricia Morrow) by low budget production values and an overdramatized, stilted script.

For Those Who Think Young (United Artists, 1964) Perhaps the least musical clone, but otherwise screams "beach 60s!"

The Girls On The Beach a.k.a. The Summer of '64 (Paramount, 1965)* Contains rare Beach Boys musical performances (only ones ever in a "surf" film), and three wonderful numbers by Lesley Gore at her 60's peak.

Wild On The Beach a.k.a. Beach House Party (Paramount, 1965) Produced in black and white. Like Surf Party, this is a relatively obvious carbon copy of Beach Party, particularly when one notes the "a.k.a." release title! Music is uneven, but there are a handful of notable performances, including one by Sonny and Cher as well as the film debut of Jackie and Gayle.

One Way Wahini a.k.a. One Way Wahine (Continental Pictures, 1965) Limited music (mostly dance scenes), but features Joy Harmon (right), one of the more interesting "bombshells" of 60s B movie cinema, in her only starring role. It's also the sole clone filmed in -- and featuring -- beautiful Hawaiian settings.

Beach Ball (Paramount, 1965)* The scripts didn't get much dumber than this, but it's hard not to enjoy yourself when the Four Seasons, Supremes, Righteous Brothers, Walker Brothers and Hondells all drop in to provide the musical interludes. And the scenery (left) doesn't hurt, either.

Daytona Beach Weekend (Sixtieth Arts, 1965) The most obscure clone. Shot in "amateur" 16mm format, the original release (blown up to a grainy 35mm) was very limited, solely in southeastern drive ins, and the movie is now impossible to find from any source (there are even claims it has been completely lost, but that is unlikely, given recent reviews of it exist). The lack of access to this clone is unfortunate, for it supposedly contained great Del Shannon perfomances.

A Swingin' Summer (United Screen Arts, 1965)* Starring role debut of Raquel Welch, who performs the first (and last, a viewing suggests why) musical number of her cinematic career. Redeemed by virtue of including a lot of fun, upbeat material by Gary Lewis and the Playboys, and the fact it ends with a bang with via a classic Righteous Brothers piece.

It's A Bikini World (Trans American Pictures, 1967)* Actually produced in 1965, but in 1965, but release was delayed -- for unknown reasons -- for almost two years. Music is an overly-staged yet still interesting grab bag of the more edgy variety of mid 60s pop, which runs the gamut from British Invasion (Animals) to domestic one-hit wonders (The Castaways, Toys).

Catalina Caper a.k.a. Never Steal Anything Wet (Crown International Pictures 1967) This was the last curtain call for the genre, the final Beach Party themed film. Tommy Kirk gets the honors as the star of this comparatively fatigued last hurrah. Musical element is provided by a peculiar collection of artists, mostly of the "still-fun-but-way-past-their-prime" variant (Little Richard, The Cascades). All in all, this was a rather humiliating way to end the party AIP had started four years earlier.

The "frozen" clones (ones set in the mountains, featuring skiers and shapely sweaters along with the music)

Get Yourself A College Girl a.k.a. The Swingin' Set (MGM, 1964)* A real treat, the entire film is basically a continuous, high quality musical variety show, with one particular act delivering what is perhaps the single finest performance of the entire Beach Party genre.

Ski Party (AIP, 1965)*AIP finally goes skiing, with so-so results. Music is limited, but what's here isn't bad: Leslie Gore and a classic James Brown number.

Winter A-Go-Go (Columbia, 1965) Stupefyingly poor clone. Director Richard Benedict somehow managed to take all the positives of the Beach Party theme (music, cheesecake and and comedy) and transformed them into ugly, archiac stereotypes, as the film features terrible songs by no-name performers, horrifically tacky characters and an unhumorous "comedic" storyline. What resulted literally stands as the second worst film in this entire genre, exceeded only by Monster A-Go-Go (an atrocity described further below on this page).

Wild, Wild Winter (Universal, 1996) * Not-to-be-missed excursion into the mountains for true fans of the beach party genre. Musically, this overall is one of the best of the clones.

The "institutional" clones (ones set away from the water in places like schools and military bases, but still containing "wild" kids and lots of music)

Sergeant Deadhead, a.k.a. Sergeant Deadhead, The Astronut (AIP, 1965) AIP tries to produce a more "adult" comedy. While music in this is generally forgettable, includes one striking solo number by Donna Loren.

When The Boys Meet The Girls (MGM, 1965)* Both the most ambitious yet incongruous of any movie in the entire Beach Party genre. Essentially a big budget, updated re-make of George Gershwin's 1932 musical "Girl Crazy," one which attempts to mix "teen pop" by Herman's Hermits, Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs with Broadwayish balladering by Connie Francis with turn of the century jazz by Louis Armstrong and general musical weirdness by Liberace. What resulted is an unbelievably strange brew.

C'mon, Let's Live A Little (Paramount, 1967) A late, quirky entrant in the Beach Party genre, due to forced "campus protest" script element that was an attempt to acknowledge the increasingly volatile Vietnam era political environment. Also features rare element (for a clone) of major pop stars being cast as primary characters.

The "hot rod" clones (ones themed around fast cars instead of surfing)

Hot Rod Gang, a.k.a. Fury Unleashed (AIP, 1958) Produced in black and white. Given the release date, obviously not a clone, but notable as being the earliest identifiable “stylistic forerunner” of the Beach Party format, in terms of core components (it added popular music to a fad theme featuring "wild" kids).

The Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow, a.k.a. Haunted Hot Rod (AIP, 1959) Produced in black and white. The sequel to the film above, similar in characteristics and actually an improvement. While still a true "50s movie," it at times really hints at the future Beach Party genre.

The Lively Set (Universal, 1964) Has only a few brief musical performances, but they're by class act 60s songbird Joannie Sommers, in her only film appearance.

Fireball 500 (AIP, 1966) Generally weak music is a sidebar to one of the "edgiest" of any of the clones. Was also the last Avalon/Funicello 1960's pairing.

Thunder Alley (AIP, 1967) Contains few musical performances, but notable as both Annette's swan song at AIP and her last appearance in the "beach' genre.

The "secret agent" clones (ones employing a spoof of the whole James Bond genre as an excuse to exhibit cheescake along with song)

Doctor Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine (AIP, 1965) Not really a true Beach Party clone (no teen gang, and while having a fun soundtrack has no singing musical performances in the script) but included here by virtue of casting, comedic feel and the fact the Supremes perform the title number!

Out of Sight (Universal, 1966)* Wacky, "Batman-style" spy comedy loaded with hit and miss musical interludes. Justfies an asterix by virtue of rare British Invasion (Freddie and the Dreamers) and early pyschedelia (Turtles) performances.

The "horror/monster" clones (an almost inevitable variant, mixing the "wild teens/surfers/ bikinis/music" theme with a "Creature From The Black Lagoon" or "mad scientist" storyline)

The Horror of Party Beach a.k.a. Invasion of the Zombies (Independent, 1963) Produced in black and white. The second earliest clone, and a cult favorite due to overall tackiness and notoriously cheap production values. Only one band (the "Del-Aires") is featured, but they're a hoot.

The Beach Girls and the Monster, a.k.a. Monster From The Surf , a.k.a. Surf Terror (American Academy Productions, 1965) Produced in black and white. Similar in general premise to "The Horror of Party Beach," and almost but not quite as screamingly cheap. While the storyline and acting in Beach Girls is bad -- really bad -- at least it was filmed in California and benefits from some beautiful Pacific coastal settings, unlike "The Horror of Party Beach," which was shot on the happening, red hot town beach of .....Stamford, Connecticut. The musical interludes in The Beach Girls and the Monster are limited, but what's here is great fun: some short but classic "bikini bunny" dancing sequences, and an extended -- and bizarre -- mid-movie "dance party concert" set on the beach at night.

Monster A-Go-Go, a.k.a. Terror at Halfday (B.I. & L. Releasing Corp., 1965) I don't know what it is about the term, but placing the vernacular "A-Go-Go" in the title of a film automatically consigns it to the stinker category (see notes about "Winter A-Go-Go" above). This cinematic calamity -- which barely even makes it into the clone category (only by virtue of primary characters being dancers in a discothèque with live music) was directed by the infamous Herschell Gordon Lewis, creator of some of the most tasteless, idiotic material ever committed to celluloid.

Village of the Giants (Embassy Pictures, 1965)* H.G. Wells meets Tommy Kirk, with musical assistance by the likes of Freddy Cannon and Toni Basil. Almost but not quite as weird a genre stew as The Boys Meet The Girls, and readily as entertaining.

The Incredibly Strange Creatures That Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies, a.k.a. The Incredibly Mixed-Up Zombie, a.k.a. The Incredibly Strange Creature: Or Why I Stopped Living And Became A Mixed-Up Zombie, a.k.a The Diabolical Dr. Voodoo a.k.a. The Teenage Pyscho Meets Bloody Mary (Morgan-Steckler Productions, 1964) The mass of convoluted release titles alone are enough make one avoid this mess. Like Monster A-Go-Go, this cinematic catastrophe is the product of another infamous Z-film director, in this case one Dennis Steckler, who -- as described by one viewer "seemed to keep the plot a secret between himself and the screenwriter, because they didn't reveal any of it in two hours." Categorized as a clone by virtue of some actual musical interludes (most of the presumed "story" takes place in the burlesque hall of a decrepit amusement park).

WRITE-UPS ON SELECTED CLONES ARE BEING ADDED FREQUENTLY (as fast as one can, given the need to sit through these things while taking detailed notes!!! Coming up soon is a score assessment of "Surf Party," which was one of the earliest attempts to directly replicate the AIP Beach Party formula!)

Also in development are assessments of "It's A Bikini World," "Catalina Caper," "WInter A-Go-Go," "Wild On The Beach," "For Those Who Think Young," "Beach Ball," "Thunder Alley," "Out Of Sight," "The Horror Of Party Beach" and "The Beach Girls And The Monster"!

Current Audio

Modest Mouse and 764-Hero
Whenever You See Fit

Photo + Myspace Invasion

I was trying to go to sleep, when suddenly I thought of this image and it made me laugh out loud. I can't believe I hadn't thought of it before! It just came out of nowhere, and yet it feels perfect. It is I, Rex Bikini.

This sudden burst of inspiration has also motivated me to put some work into my new myspace page, which I started a few days ago on a whim, when I was wondering what ever happened to my old high school crush (fyi, I didn't find anything). Better late then never, when it comes to jumping on a Cool Wagon, right? You can access my long overdue page at www.myspace.com/rexbikini. And in case you're wondering, that isn't my real age. I have a standard fake I use so that it's easy to remember for these types of things.

Happy Birthday W. Axl Rose!

I celebrated by playing Appetite for Destruction, in his honor, in my car while driving to yet another job thing.

Funny Concepts

Here's something I'm lifting from iwatchstuff.com that made me laugh. The inspiration is: what Oscar-winning movies could be made into a tv series?

The Silence of the Lambs (1991) - All of the current Hannibal-related movies are broken up into half-hour shows, and a laugh-track is added.

Dances with Wolves (1990) - A reality show in which Kevin Costner competes against other celebrities to create the best dance possible with a wolf partner.

Kramer vs. Kramer (1979) - Retitled Kramer vs. Cramer, Michael Richards and Mad Money's Jim Cramer compete in weekly verbal and physical sparring.