Up

Loved it, like I knew I would. I was in tears since the animated short. Pixar does it again!

I got mad at Miel (the ball and chain) yesterday because he was a real Debbie Downer about my one-liners project. He didn't think they were funny at all and suggested I call it quits. Nothing gets me madder than someone trying to tell me what to do. I was even more riled because this project was such a stupid thing, with no meaning to anyone but me, that it seemed a little cowardly to call a time of death so early in the game. The world would be exactly in the same state with or without my jokes, so why not keep it up if it makes me feel productive, and maybe even funny, eventually? In addition to believing that Miel was being controlling and cowardly, I also despised his lack of adventurousness. Why should I have to be the impetus for interestingness in the relationship? Far from discouraging my projects, he should be competing with me in them.

But something in the relationship in Up made me repent my anger. It reminded me a little bit of my own ball and chain situation, in the way that two very different personalities reinforce each other (in the beginning Miel used to make a similar observation, that he was like Wall-E and I was like Eve) - but there was that added element of a lifelong devotion. That's something I definitely want on my deathbed, and something I could potentially have. It made me think that as long as I can build that kind of happiness, it's fair for me to stop sweating the small stuff.

'American Idol' Results Tainted?

AT&T, one of the biggest sponsors of American Idol, has been accused of skewing the results for winner Kris Allen by distributing mobile phones to his fan groups and teaching them how to cast mass text votes. What do you think?

"That is an outrageous lie. When has American Idol ever named a winner who hasn't proven himself to be the most popular and marketable contender?"

Obama Announces Justice Nominee

President Barack Obama has chosen New York federal appeals judge Sonia Sotomayor to replace David Souter on the Supreme Court. What do you think?

"I was hoping for a sassy black female judge, like they show on tv, but this is good enough."

"Now we know that Obama reads the New York Times and not the Boston Globe."

Brooke Shields Regrets Losing Virginity At 22

In a recent interview, actress Brooke Shields said she wished she had come to terms with her appearance at a younger age so she could have had sex earlier. What do you think?

"In a related bid for attention, I'd like to announce that MY younger, hotter self had a third nipple."

Lower IQs Linked To Epilepsy Medication

Children of women who took the antiseizure drug valproate had lower IQs than those of women on other epilepsy medications. What do you think?

"All that means is that valproate doesn't work. Everyone knows kids get slow when epileptics drop them on the head."

"I, for one, am shocked that epileptics can have kids."

One-liner Series

I've made it a pet project to get better at comedy. I think I'm generally competent when it comes to making funny conversation, but when I try to think of packaged, focused, written jokes - the kind of thing that would make me survive as a stand-up comic - I find myself stymied. All my jokes are just mean, and not clever. A few days ago, I started exercising that handicap by trying to come up with my own quips to the Onion's American Voices section. Then I thought it would help my project advance if I made it a regular blog thing. Unfortunately, the day I wanted to start writing was the day the Onion gave me a prompt about Archie comics. I haven't the faintest about anything to do with Archie. So, to start myself off, I picked a headline from the NY Times:

Texting May Be Taking a Toll
American teenagers send and receive an average of 2,272 text messages per month. The phenomenon is beginning to worry physicians and psychologists, who say it is leading to anxiety, distraction in school, falling grades, repetitive stress injury and sleep deprivation.

"That's it, I'm quitting text messages! From now on my only problems will be fighting crime at night, and video games."

Terminator Salvation

It exceeded my very high expectations! If I had any reservations about it, it was that sequels are often done in very poor taste - Exhibit A: Terminator 3. Also, the fact that there's a Sarah Connors Chronicals TV show is discouraging viz the fate of the franchise. But my hopes dared to be raised when I saw the trailer (at Taken; also quite good), and truly it ended up being wonderful. I would watch that movie every day.

Okay, so it wasn't original enough to be Stunning, like in an award-winning kind of way. But I have a great soft spot for any post-apocalyptic setting, and perhaps what was most determinative of my jury: the execution was in perfect taste. Thrilling and suspenseful - I sincerely had to yelp and cover my eyes at some parts. Casting and characters were spot on. I liked how they used a lot of unknowns. I wonder if sometimes familiar actors bring too much baggage from their previous roles, so that we're incapable of seeing new movies as new movies. Of course, it's that very confusion that casting directors seek to exploit when shelling out 20 zillion dollars to get the Julia Robertses of the world to sign onto their movies...

But best of all, I loved the pathos and thought-experiment that makes the finest robot movies so fine: what becomes of our humanity if we take out the variables? Machinery is equivalent to perfection, and in robots we see ourselves mirrored as impassive, invulnerable things. And that brings us to the brink of the uncanny valley - it's so much scarier when the machines, almost gratuitously, look like human beings, when an automated censor-rigged-to-a-gun would have served the purpose just as well.

There were a few T2 references that were slightly comical, and still in good taste: "I'll be back," "You Could Be Mine," and... ARNOLD. Even with our state deficit and all, it was still nice to see his cameo. I know, I'm exactly the kind of sucker who makes democracy fail in practice. Incidentally, I voted pretty heartlessly this time around: I was in favor of cutting all the programs so that we can balance the budget. True, I generally feel stingy when it comes to education (bad investment to pour money into crayons and shit for a bunch of ingrate punks who don't even want to be there - instead, we should bring back child labor - no joke actually - I'm not proposing we send them into coal mines or sweat shops, but I think it would be a healthy alternative for kids to get jobs as soda jerks and paperboys and stuff if they really hate school - those are precious years of youth that could really help them jump start into something great (cf. Citizen Kane types)). But this time I felt truly uninformed. How was I supposed to know if it's better to skimp on the state mental health program, if I don't know what else is a candidate for cuts? That's exactly the kind of thing legislators should do, while they have all the information in front of them. These ballot initiatives are nothing more than exploitation of our emotions: of course no one wants to take money away from children, even if every single sector of public spending is taking a hit.

But I digress. I was going to add that there were only two things about T4 that bothered me: (1) the seemingly harmlessness of nuclear bombs, and (2) the overdramatic egotism of John Connor. You know that part in the trailer when he's screaming, "If we do X, we're all dead! We're all dead!"? Well, it turns out that's not exactly true: only John Connor would be dead. The resistance wants to destroy a base while civilian humans are being held captive, among them John Connor's future dad Kyle Reese. If Kyle dies before being sent back to 1984, John would never be born. And if John is never born, the resistance would have no leader. And if the resistance has no leader, THEN "we are all dead," in a manner of speaking. Yes, there are a few inferential steps within that impassioned cry. The last inference is especially dubious.

But besides those two things, which were minor irritations really, the movie was totally excellent.