Observations of Today

1. Taco Bell started calling sour cream its "special sauce." At least it sidestepped the full ridiculousness of calling it a secret sauce.

2. Kenny G is a funny guy. My dad met him today before or after a concert and told him that he was learning how to play the tenor sax. KG told him not to get too good, or else he might have some competition.

Senator Byrd The Longest-Serving Lawmaker

After more than 56 years in office, 92-year-old Sen. Robert C. Byrd (D-WV) has become the longest-serving member of Congress. What do you think?

"What the - ? How is a 92-year-old is the longest member of... oh never mind, I got it."

Federal Government Wants Subway Safety Oversight

The Obama administration will propose that safety regulations for subways and commuter trains be put under the jurisdiction of the federal government. What do you think?

"No one is better positioned to make transportation more efficient and more foresightful than the government. For example, Los Angeles: the last time the government got involved, they tore up all the existing tracks in order to promote more driving."

Scientists Replace Penile Tissue In Rabbits

Researchers from North Carolina's Wake Forest University successfully engineered a replacement erectile tissue that, when implanted in the penises of rabbits, allowed the animals to regain full sexual function. What do you think?

"it's reassuring to hear of this solid, science-based development. I was getting worried for all those who were using the more dubious product, Extenze for Bunnies."

"Is anyone else worried that there's this apparent population of sexually disabled rabbits?"

Fed Bans Debit Overdraft Fees

The Federal Reserve is prohibiting banks from collecting overdraft fees on purchases paid with a debit card unless customers opt in to programs that guarantee their balance-exceeding transactions go through. What do you think?

"Wait, the Federal Reserve just authorized a program in which I can opt to bounce checks?"

ABC Cancels 'Hank'

After airing five episodes, ABC has canceled the Kelsey Grammer disgraced-CEO-returns-to-small-hometown sitcom Hank. What do you think?

"I didn't even know I wanted to watch this show until now. That's why they should have called it Kelsey Grammer a Disgraced CEO Returns to a Small Hometown, instead of Hank."

Obama Visiting Asia

President Barack Obama leaves for Japan Thursday, kicking off a nine-day diplomatic visit to Asia that will include four days in China. What do you think?

"The trip is bound to be successful because of the President's affinity with Asian cultures. Like the Japanese geisha, Obama is skilled in the fine art of conversation; like the Chinese grandmother, he is an aficionado of mah jong; and like the North Korean everyman, he disciplines himself against obesity."

Pabst Up For Sale

The Pabst Brewing Co., owners of Pabst Blue Ribbon and Schlitz, is on the market for around $300 million. What do you think?

"My first thought was to worry about Pabst's business reputation. Then I remembered that Budweiser is selling wheat beer now, so really, they can't screw up.

Cash For Clunkers Resulted In Trucks For Trucks

Analysis of federal data shows that a substantial number of the participants in the federal "Cash for Clunkers" program merely swapped an older truck for a newer one with slightly better gas mileage. What do you think?

"To be honest, I'm not against more fuel-efficient cars. What I am against is missing out on a chance to screw over the government."