Close Call

Today after dinner, I came the closest I've ever gotten, since my diaper days, to crapping my pants. If there were one more person in line in front of me, I would have let loose right there and humiliated myself. I can't even imagine how I would have handled that. But for the grace of God, and the heroic strength of my sphincter...

What an unforgettable day.

The real funny thing is that there was a big crowd of people in front of the bathrooms, and I was so desperate lest I soil myself that I didn't even try to hide it - walking around, crossing my legs, contorting to find a tolerable position for my colon, and even whispering a prayer. On my way out (after relieving myself), another person waiting for the bathroom, who was witness to my desperate state, actually tried to hit on me! Jesus, I thought, this chump has no idea how close he came to picking up on the shit-covered chick. Standards, people.