Recurring Dream
The striking feature of my one recurring dream is that everyone is ignoring me. So it's pretty exceptional when I dream, as I did two nights ago, that people are actually watching me, and pointing and laughing, as per the normal "naked in public" dream. This time the thought that was going through my head was, "What, you've never seen a person on a toilet before?" and though I was embarrassed, I didn't think, as I usually do, that there was something wrong with the scenario. That is, I took it to be normal that people would be in the bathroom while as I was crapping, but it was they who failed to observe the standard etiquette of turning away.
My crackpot psychologizing has interpreted my normal recurring dream to be a fear of exposure compounded with a fear of being invisible. My latest dream I think demands a different interpretation. I'm guessing it reflects my annoyance these days with how little people observe standard etiquette - not like keeping your forks on the left or anything, but vis a vis the very basic principle of making the other person feel comfortable. There were a couple run-ins this week with that feeling of annoyance:
- When one of my students came into the teacher's lounge and announced that my coworker, who was sitting right next to me, had been talking shit about me. I told my student that he should know better than to repeat that. He's a kid, and I guess that makes it excusable; but few people, universally, seem to realize that information like that benefits no one, and no one really wants to hear about it.
- When I accidently spit during a conversation (happens frequently enough; I'm a bit of a mumbler, which gets me into trouble for the "p" words), and another coworker stopped and pointed it out to me. I remember one time when a similar thing happened with another friend; but this friend proved himself a true Southern gentleman because he just wiped it away and pretended like nothing happened. Seriously, all those people who think it makes you looks smart or cheeky to point out other people's mistakes: you've got a lonely life ahead of you.
- On two occassions these last two weekends, people chose to make it a prominent topic of conversation to discuss some crazy party they went to or were going to, to which their interlocutors were not invited, but the timing was such that they should have at least gotten courtesy invitations. I personally don't believe in exclusivity, but I can respect that some people do; so if there's a chance for uncomfortableness, TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE. If the conversation looks like, "Hey so after I ditch you losers I'm going to this kick-ass rave" it makes it very difficult for the other person to participate. Or, even if the conversation looks like, "This party I went to last night instead of hanging out with you was really sucky, and here's all the bad drama that went down," that's still a little awkward (think about it: it's not like the other person could say, "yeah, that sounds so bad, I'm totally glad I didn't go" without sounding bitchy, nor could she say, "it sounds like a lot of drama, but it still must have been fun," without sounding desperate).
My crackpot psychologizing has interpreted my normal recurring dream to be a fear of exposure compounded with a fear of being invisible. My latest dream I think demands a different interpretation. I'm guessing it reflects my annoyance these days with how little people observe standard etiquette - not like keeping your forks on the left or anything, but vis a vis the very basic principle of making the other person feel comfortable. There were a couple run-ins this week with that feeling of annoyance:
- When one of my students came into the teacher's lounge and announced that my coworker, who was sitting right next to me, had been talking shit about me. I told my student that he should know better than to repeat that. He's a kid, and I guess that makes it excusable; but few people, universally, seem to realize that information like that benefits no one, and no one really wants to hear about it.
- When I accidently spit during a conversation (happens frequently enough; I'm a bit of a mumbler, which gets me into trouble for the "p" words), and another coworker stopped and pointed it out to me. I remember one time when a similar thing happened with another friend; but this friend proved himself a true Southern gentleman because he just wiped it away and pretended like nothing happened. Seriously, all those people who think it makes you looks smart or cheeky to point out other people's mistakes: you've got a lonely life ahead of you.
- On two occassions these last two weekends, people chose to make it a prominent topic of conversation to discuss some crazy party they went to or were going to, to which their interlocutors were not invited, but the timing was such that they should have at least gotten courtesy invitations. I personally don't believe in exclusivity, but I can respect that some people do; so if there's a chance for uncomfortableness, TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE. If the conversation looks like, "Hey so after I ditch you losers I'm going to this kick-ass rave" it makes it very difficult for the other person to participate. Or, even if the conversation looks like, "This party I went to last night instead of hanging out with you was really sucky, and here's all the bad drama that went down," that's still a little awkward (think about it: it's not like the other person could say, "yeah, that sounds so bad, I'm totally glad I didn't go" without sounding bitchy, nor could she say, "it sounds like a lot of drama, but it still must have been fun," without sounding desperate).
posted by Rex at 3:13 PM
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