Mimetic Model
It suddenly occurred to me that I might be a mimetic model for a friend, a most unlikely source. Rene Girard talks a lot about how desire is often fabricated through a model: because a person you consider a rival desires a third party person or thing, that third party suddenly becomes more desirable to you as well. Girard calls this the mimetic triangle.
I must have been lucky over the years, because I was starting to doubt seriously that old notion that my people, especially those in a certain kind of fraternal organization, are catty. I can't think of many of my friends who would be less than overjoyed for me if I were to meet a significant other who was good-looking, charming, intelligent, etc. Likewise, I would never begrudge a friend a romantic conquest. Even if that friend were in competition with me - like, say, if the best-looking person in the room were to talk to her instead of me - usually I would feel proud of her, and glad that she was the belle of the ball instead of some other random schmuck. (The one exception would be if I were actually in love with said best-looking person.)
But recently, I was reviewing some old episodes in my head, concerning one friend, that have always been a little inexplicable to me. Things like her giving the time of day to guy who is not very good-looking, etc. These odd episodes all seemed to implicate me loosely (for example, I had had a conversation with, then blew off, the aforementioned unattractive dude earlier), and I wondered if this was a case of mimetic desire. Then I tried to think of my other friends, and whether we were bonded by a sympathetic friendship or a rivalrous one. Like I said, I decided that very few of these friendships were rivalrous; and I think it's for that reason that I'm shocked and baffled, a little disproportionately, when I do encounter some evidence of rivalry.
Anyways, the short version of it all is that I came to the hypothesis that perhaps a certain kind of fraternal organization - which is where I met most of my close like-gendered friends - might be responsible for eliminating much of my natural impulse toward rivalry. When you get used to thinking of yourself as a part of a team, you start to think of your teammates' successes as your own. My one close friend, off the top of my head, who was not of my fraternal organization, but who I believe is also truly sympathetic, similarly spent a lot of time as a part of an athletic team, and I think this had a comparable effect on her social psyche.
Of course, it's entirely possible that some people are simply good friends, and that they seldom feel rivalry because of their love alone. But Girard argues that this kind of love is not mutually exclusive with rivalry, and if anything, that it is an impetus. My most recent surprise confirms this: 99% of the time, this one friend is the best friend you could ever ask for.
I must have been lucky over the years, because I was starting to doubt seriously that old notion that my people, especially those in a certain kind of fraternal organization, are catty. I can't think of many of my friends who would be less than overjoyed for me if I were to meet a significant other who was good-looking, charming, intelligent, etc. Likewise, I would never begrudge a friend a romantic conquest. Even if that friend were in competition with me - like, say, if the best-looking person in the room were to talk to her instead of me - usually I would feel proud of her, and glad that she was the belle of the ball instead of some other random schmuck. (The one exception would be if I were actually in love with said best-looking person.)
But recently, I was reviewing some old episodes in my head, concerning one friend, that have always been a little inexplicable to me. Things like her giving the time of day to guy who is not very good-looking, etc. These odd episodes all seemed to implicate me loosely (for example, I had had a conversation with, then blew off, the aforementioned unattractive dude earlier), and I wondered if this was a case of mimetic desire. Then I tried to think of my other friends, and whether we were bonded by a sympathetic friendship or a rivalrous one. Like I said, I decided that very few of these friendships were rivalrous; and I think it's for that reason that I'm shocked and baffled, a little disproportionately, when I do encounter some evidence of rivalry.
Anyways, the short version of it all is that I came to the hypothesis that perhaps a certain kind of fraternal organization - which is where I met most of my close like-gendered friends - might be responsible for eliminating much of my natural impulse toward rivalry. When you get used to thinking of yourself as a part of a team, you start to think of your teammates' successes as your own. My one close friend, off the top of my head, who was not of my fraternal organization, but who I believe is also truly sympathetic, similarly spent a lot of time as a part of an athletic team, and I think this had a comparable effect on her social psyche.
Of course, it's entirely possible that some people are simply good friends, and that they seldom feel rivalry because of their love alone. But Girard argues that this kind of love is not mutually exclusive with rivalry, and if anything, that it is an impetus. My most recent surprise confirms this: 99% of the time, this one friend is the best friend you could ever ask for.
posted by Rex at 7:19 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home