Teenagers, part 1
I was thinking back to my high school days more ever since I got my summer job as an SAT prep teacher. I'm supposed to start work in mid May, but my boss said things will be a little slow before summer, so I might fill up some of my hours by doing one-on-one consulting work, ie coach kids on how to put together their college portfolio so that they can get into the Harvard or the Berkeley or whatever of their choice.
Aside the fact that it's actually been several years since I've gone through this process myself, what would I tell these kids? Honestly? What I really want to say is, Chill the fuck out and enjoy yourself. What really matters in the end are family, friends, health, love (teenage love only comes around once), good times, and good memories. The college you go to makes a little bit of difference, and it may open a few more doors, but there's really no such thing as security, ever, or a promise to a good life; no matter what, we're always doomed to be in the rat race, and we'll always have to break our backs working (unless you have to stomach to be a gianormous tool; perhaps some further reflections on this later). By the time I'm done with school, I will have had 11 years of top-rate higher education...and will be making 30K at my first real job. Meanwhile, I know of a friend of a friend of a friend who started working as soon as she graduated from a shitty-ass Cal State, and three years later, she's bringing home 80K.
See what I mean? None of it matters. I won't be seeing a figure like 80K until I'm 50, maybe.
At the same time, I've come to terms with my position in the rat race, and the prospect of years and years of instability and hardship, because I figured that I'm mostly happy in most of the areas of life that matter: family, friends, love, etc. I've especially come to value these things of real value because my health (the most important one of all) is a piece of crap, and it occurred to the other day that it's possible I may be dead at 35 - in which case all the other stuff, all my silly goals and ambitions and status and money, would really, really cease to matter.
Anyways. So I was nursing what I think is an ulcer this weekend, and thinking about all this stuff (crappy health, early death, joi de vivre) on a heightened level, when I happened to pick of a fairly old issue of TIME which features an article about then-current research on the development of the adolescent brain. According to the article, hormones exclusively are not responsible for all the craziness in teenagers. While hormones might make them more emotional, their brains are what makes them unable to handle these emotions. The part of the brain that reasons and makes decisions is one of the last parts to mature, so that it's easy for a teenager to say "maybe it's okay for me to go to the movies and hang out with my friends, and THEN do my homework, " or, "maybe I won't get pregnant this one time," etc. This is why it's especially important for parents to impose structure during these years, to make up for the lack of structure in the teen brain.
That got me thinking. It's true that I didn't enjoy most of my teen years, because I was so busy being goal-oriented, and so intent on hating against the stupid and shallow people who cared about popularity and MTV and gossip and being in empty relationships just so that they could glory in PDA. But I started regretting this attitude later, because now I like MTV and gossip, and I discovered that I didn't find what I was looking for after I reached certain goals, and I have a completely different outlook on teenage love. I wondered if my teen years took the shape they did because my parents had projected their values onto me, and I wondered if I resented them for what I had lost in the process.
But then the TIME article made me rethink this position. If it's true that my brain wasn't equipped to make reasonable decisions at that age, it's very probable that I didn't have the maturity to take meaningful enjoyment in the "things of value" that I enjoy now. I know for a fact that I was far too selfish back then to be a good friend. The other day, I was looking through some old letters and cards that I got from people back in high school, and I remember thinking, Wow, I can't believe I just took these people for granted; I should have been more thoughtful. Perhaps if I had been left to discover, then, the things I value now, the path would have led me to nothing short of pure hedonism. Perhaps I would have sought popularity without ever understanding true friendship, or mistook teenage sex for teenage love, etc.
So in the whole scheme of parallel universes, who's to say whether I lost something in my teen years, or if I had been merely turned away from a more terrible catastrophe? It's true that the things which my parents' values promised me (get a good education, and everything in life will come easy) didn't come to fruit as planned, but I realize that those values gave me a structure that I needed then. I wasn't happy with all that structure (because I missed out on a lot), but I probably would have been much unhappier without it (like getting knocked up or something). Coulda woulda shoulda. It's hard to tell.
But I'm glad that I do know now what makes me happy. The only problem is execution. If only I can get my health up to where it should be...then I won't have to die early and throw it all away.
Aside the fact that it's actually been several years since I've gone through this process myself, what would I tell these kids? Honestly? What I really want to say is, Chill the fuck out and enjoy yourself. What really matters in the end are family, friends, health, love (teenage love only comes around once), good times, and good memories. The college you go to makes a little bit of difference, and it may open a few more doors, but there's really no such thing as security, ever, or a promise to a good life; no matter what, we're always doomed to be in the rat race, and we'll always have to break our backs working (unless you have to stomach to be a gianormous tool; perhaps some further reflections on this later). By the time I'm done with school, I will have had 11 years of top-rate higher education...and will be making 30K at my first real job. Meanwhile, I know of a friend of a friend of a friend who started working as soon as she graduated from a shitty-ass Cal State, and three years later, she's bringing home 80K.
See what I mean? None of it matters. I won't be seeing a figure like 80K until I'm 50, maybe.
At the same time, I've come to terms with my position in the rat race, and the prospect of years and years of instability and hardship, because I figured that I'm mostly happy in most of the areas of life that matter: family, friends, love, etc. I've especially come to value these things of real value because my health (the most important one of all) is a piece of crap, and it occurred to the other day that it's possible I may be dead at 35 - in which case all the other stuff, all my silly goals and ambitions and status and money, would really, really cease to matter.
Anyways. So I was nursing what I think is an ulcer this weekend, and thinking about all this stuff (crappy health, early death, joi de vivre) on a heightened level, when I happened to pick of a fairly old issue of TIME which features an article about then-current research on the development of the adolescent brain. According to the article, hormones exclusively are not responsible for all the craziness in teenagers. While hormones might make them more emotional, their brains are what makes them unable to handle these emotions. The part of the brain that reasons and makes decisions is one of the last parts to mature, so that it's easy for a teenager to say "maybe it's okay for me to go to the movies and hang out with my friends, and THEN do my homework, " or, "maybe I won't get pregnant this one time," etc. This is why it's especially important for parents to impose structure during these years, to make up for the lack of structure in the teen brain.
That got me thinking. It's true that I didn't enjoy most of my teen years, because I was so busy being goal-oriented, and so intent on hating against the stupid and shallow people who cared about popularity and MTV and gossip and being in empty relationships just so that they could glory in PDA. But I started regretting this attitude later, because now I like MTV and gossip, and I discovered that I didn't find what I was looking for after I reached certain goals, and I have a completely different outlook on teenage love. I wondered if my teen years took the shape they did because my parents had projected their values onto me, and I wondered if I resented them for what I had lost in the process.
But then the TIME article made me rethink this position. If it's true that my brain wasn't equipped to make reasonable decisions at that age, it's very probable that I didn't have the maturity to take meaningful enjoyment in the "things of value" that I enjoy now. I know for a fact that I was far too selfish back then to be a good friend. The other day, I was looking through some old letters and cards that I got from people back in high school, and I remember thinking, Wow, I can't believe I just took these people for granted; I should have been more thoughtful. Perhaps if I had been left to discover, then, the things I value now, the path would have led me to nothing short of pure hedonism. Perhaps I would have sought popularity without ever understanding true friendship, or mistook teenage sex for teenage love, etc.
So in the whole scheme of parallel universes, who's to say whether I lost something in my teen years, or if I had been merely turned away from a more terrible catastrophe? It's true that the things which my parents' values promised me (get a good education, and everything in life will come easy) didn't come to fruit as planned, but I realize that those values gave me a structure that I needed then. I wasn't happy with all that structure (because I missed out on a lot), but I probably would have been much unhappier without it (like getting knocked up or something). Coulda woulda shoulda. It's hard to tell.
But I'm glad that I do know now what makes me happy. The only problem is execution. If only I can get my health up to where it should be...then I won't have to die early and throw it all away.
posted by Rex at 3:25 PM
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