I Don't See How He Can Have a Girlfriend

The other day I was sitting in a class, taught by our fabulous librarian, with a special guest professor who is not only famously accomplished, but also famously gay. He was wearing a vibrant blue cable-knit sweater (I'm thinking Ralph Lauren, judging by the color) set off by a baby blue collared shirt. Before leaving, our fabulous librarian leans in gingerly and picks something off the other professor's baby blue collar. "You had some fluff there," he says. "Thanks," says the Ralph Lauren.

Does this not look like a very obvious exchange that would happen between two gay men? But here's the baffler: our librarian has a known girlfriend, with whom he has been caught before in PDA.

Did I mention that half the faculty here is gay? And did I also mention that our fabulous librarian has a lisp? A LISP! Who talks with a lisp except the ones who are purposely trying to tell you something? So what I can't understand is how our fabulous librarian could possibly be straight, and why he would have a problem with coming out. Because he's fabulous not only because of his lisp and his hand gestures, but also because he's an authentically cool guy who seems confident enough about himself and non-judgmental enough about others. So WTF? Times like this I think I have no gaydar whatsoever.