Thursday, October 06, 2005

Etiquette: The Large-Group Tab

We all know those sons of bitches who, when you go out with them in large groups, pull a fast one and renege on their share of the bill. This usually comes in the form of not including tax and tip, so that everyone else has to chip in an extra $2-5, depending on how bad the reneging is, and how many people do it. There is no excuse for this kind of behavior (spread the word!): tax and tip are a given. Have some class, for fuck's sake.

But I recently found out that there's also a grayer-area variation to this kind of classlessness. I'm talking about the thing when the whole table has a round of shots. Usually, it's one person who initiates this, but I'm STRONGLY of the opinion that this one person should not be responsible for paying for all the rounds. After all, this individual is not the one who gets the most (or any, for that matter) benefit from your drink, and everyone has a responsibility to contribute to the life of the party. I'm sorry, but if you're a party-pooper, you need to leave. The shot-caller was only trying to save you from being that hated party-pooper, so she or he should not have to bear the undue burden of financing it. Two rounds of shots for eight people is already $80-90.

It's surprising how many people don't realize this, and take it for granted that we are all there to bend over backwards to make sure that they, personally, are handed the party on a silver platter.

That having been said, I also believe that if a person refuses a shot, you should respect that choice, instead of forcing them to play ball. What ends up happening is that someone else will take the shot, but the original refuser is still expected to pay the $$$. This isn't fair, especially since it's often the case that you want to refuse the shot because you don't have the $$$. Hence, the gray area. The shot-refuser doesn't want to pay, and the shot-taker thinks he doesn't have to pay either, and so on and so forth until the whole table ends up with an enormous tab that no one knows what to do with. Then those sneaky sons of bitches, described in the first part of this discussion, take advantage of this confusion to pay even less than what they would have paid, minus tax and tip. And thus the downward spiral, as the deficit of the bill continues to grow larger and larger.

And PS, never, never, NEVER leave the table without throwing down some $$$ first. If you leave before everyone else without paying, you deserve to be lonely and dateless for the rest of your long-ass life. And don't put in $2 for a $4 beer, either; there is never such a thing as a $2 beer with tip (except during the most extreme happy hours). Ask first, if you're not sure.

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