Plan of Action
is something I don't have. I think I'm headed back to square one in this job search unless I bust out some savvy soon. God knows I'm not savvy, so I'm screwed. Oh, how I hate myself.
Speaking of self-hate, I was giving some thought about the nature of apologies, and how one could apologize well...on account of my burning bridges recklessly these last few weeks or months or who the hell even knows. I've come to the conclusion that apologies are impossible, a wholly moot concept - and I'm not talking about just me because I don't wait for apologies when wronged, but simply get over it when I'm ready to. Now that I feel myself to be in the wrong, I can't think of a good way to make it up to the injured party in a meaningful way. After you betray a friend's faith in you or sever the bond or throw him the finger after he does you a favor that you wouldn't even ask from a relative, it seems pretty futile to ask if you could forget about it and continue as friends (or become friends, if it's the case that the bond you just severed was a professional or academic one). Equally insulting is the suggestion that you take him out for drinks or send him a card with a sad cartoon puppy on it, to prove how sorry you are. In each case, the desire to apologize seems thoroughly opportunistic and selfish, like you knew you were being an asshole the whole time, but you didn't care enough to actually change your actions, and if there's a pesky problem of the other person's hurt feelings, you expect to solve it with money and crayons.
No, there's no such thing as a working apology. Reflecting on this makes me marvel all the more on the magical quality of forgiveness: it's spontaneous and generous (if apologies are unreal, there can't be such a thing as apology-generated forgiveness). It's hard not to wax religious here and call it a spark of the divine, because I think the God model (All-powerful being forgives asshole race of wimps for no good reason except that he feels like it) is quite apt. The penitent can't possibly have anything of value to offer to the injured. You have to demand love and acceptance in exchange for nothing. Once you do have something of value to offer, well, that's just reparations and business, not real forgiveness.
Speaking of self-hate, I was giving some thought about the nature of apologies, and how one could apologize well...on account of my burning bridges recklessly these last few weeks or months or who the hell even knows. I've come to the conclusion that apologies are impossible, a wholly moot concept - and I'm not talking about just me because I don't wait for apologies when wronged, but simply get over it when I'm ready to. Now that I feel myself to be in the wrong, I can't think of a good way to make it up to the injured party in a meaningful way. After you betray a friend's faith in you or sever the bond or throw him the finger after he does you a favor that you wouldn't even ask from a relative, it seems pretty futile to ask if you could forget about it and continue as friends (or become friends, if it's the case that the bond you just severed was a professional or academic one). Equally insulting is the suggestion that you take him out for drinks or send him a card with a sad cartoon puppy on it, to prove how sorry you are. In each case, the desire to apologize seems thoroughly opportunistic and selfish, like you knew you were being an asshole the whole time, but you didn't care enough to actually change your actions, and if there's a pesky problem of the other person's hurt feelings, you expect to solve it with money and crayons.
No, there's no such thing as a working apology. Reflecting on this makes me marvel all the more on the magical quality of forgiveness: it's spontaneous and generous (if apologies are unreal, there can't be such a thing as apology-generated forgiveness). It's hard not to wax religious here and call it a spark of the divine, because I think the God model (All-powerful being forgives asshole race of wimps for no good reason except that he feels like it) is quite apt. The penitent can't possibly have anything of value to offer to the injured. You have to demand love and acceptance in exchange for nothing. Once you do have something of value to offer, well, that's just reparations and business, not real forgiveness.
posted by Rex at 9:09 PM
1 Comments:
Dear lord I cannot get any of these google pages to load in english. Therefore, I will Hinterlassen Sie Ihren Kommentar... or something.
Hello from Switzerland.
Sorry I haven't been writing or keeping in touch! But regarding apologies, sometimes it is comforting to know that she/he who wronged you has come to realize that there has been wrong committed. So many times people are wronged and the wrong-doer does not even realize it. The oblivious and ignorant are many; the insightful and considerate are few.
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