Current Audio
Mac Lethal
Calm Down Baby
My first taste of heartbreak was at the park lake
one summer night, I had a big crush on a girl named Sarah
I was gonna ask her out
til I saw Tim Philips kissing her, grabbing her butt (asshole)
I was madder than fuck [???]
and Tim Philips smells like Cool Water cologne
Well fuck him and his Mustang and all his other friends
I vowed I would never love again and since then I dated
but fuck that, I can't get nothing
I'd rather sit alone than have my damn ship sunken
Being single's par for the course
I don't wanna cause a marriage, cause I don't wanna cause a divorce
It's probably important and it's better for health
Besides I get the whole damn bed to myself
But what the hell everyone else
wants me to drop down my guard, no!
This heart is for me, it's blacked out and scarred
Go home, I don't need me a wife
I'm happily single for life. All right?
This is the ode to singlehood I would dedicate to myself. I feel bad about it a lot (like, maybe I'm not single by choice, but by necessity! and, how does every other schmuck on the planet have a mate?), and perhaps they're right when they say that humans are meant for companionship; I was reminded of that the other day when I caught myself feeling affection for a stuffed animal. Maybe we're like dogs, only with more baggage: it's in our nature to love, and we can't help being programmed like that...
But the incontrovertible fact is that life starts sucking as soon as I start dating, so it's high time I just get used to that fact. Anyways, I'm starting to wonder if I've already met all the important milestone people in my life: I already had my great, life-altering crush (unrequited), my great all-consuming, sweeping, and wholly fulfilling romance (for 1 month), my great crippling heartbreak, the lifelong companion of my heart, and besides all that, I'm starting to suspect that I was meant for Joey Ramone anyway, but just missed him by an accident of fate. I mean, what are the chances that the person you'd be most happy with is going to be alive at the exact same time as you? It's cosmically improbable! And how do I know that I was meant for Joey Ramone? Because he is the perfect icon of being free and unburdened and forever young! I still remain devoted to that idea of him in middle age doing nothing but watching the CNN stock reports all day, and developing a fan's crush for Maria Bartriromo. It's beautiful! It's exactly me, except that when I'm 45 it'll be considered pathetic instead of awesome.
Calm Down Baby
My first taste of heartbreak was at the park lake
one summer night, I had a big crush on a girl named Sarah
I was gonna ask her out
til I saw Tim Philips kissing her, grabbing her butt (asshole)
I was madder than fuck [???]
and Tim Philips smells like Cool Water cologne
Well fuck him and his Mustang and all his other friends
I vowed I would never love again and since then I dated
but fuck that, I can't get nothing
I'd rather sit alone than have my damn ship sunken
Being single's par for the course
I don't wanna cause a marriage, cause I don't wanna cause a divorce
It's probably important and it's better for health
Besides I get the whole damn bed to myself
But what the hell everyone else
wants me to drop down my guard, no!
This heart is for me, it's blacked out and scarred
Go home, I don't need me a wife
I'm happily single for life. All right?
This is the ode to singlehood I would dedicate to myself. I feel bad about it a lot (like, maybe I'm not single by choice, but by necessity! and, how does every other schmuck on the planet have a mate?), and perhaps they're right when they say that humans are meant for companionship; I was reminded of that the other day when I caught myself feeling affection for a stuffed animal. Maybe we're like dogs, only with more baggage: it's in our nature to love, and we can't help being programmed like that...
But the incontrovertible fact is that life starts sucking as soon as I start dating, so it's high time I just get used to that fact. Anyways, I'm starting to wonder if I've already met all the important milestone people in my life: I already had my great, life-altering crush (unrequited), my great all-consuming, sweeping, and wholly fulfilling romance (for 1 month), my great crippling heartbreak, the lifelong companion of my heart, and besides all that, I'm starting to suspect that I was meant for Joey Ramone anyway, but just missed him by an accident of fate. I mean, what are the chances that the person you'd be most happy with is going to be alive at the exact same time as you? It's cosmically improbable! And how do I know that I was meant for Joey Ramone? Because he is the perfect icon of being free and unburdened and forever young! I still remain devoted to that idea of him in middle age doing nothing but watching the CNN stock reports all day, and developing a fan's crush for Maria Bartriromo. It's beautiful! It's exactly me, except that when I'm 45 it'll be considered pathetic instead of awesome.
posted by Rex at 10:40 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home