Slump
The test is done and I'm over my cold - I thought those were the things that were holding me back from getting things back to normal, but apparently those weren't my problems. It's frustrating that the same obstacles persist. My social life died effectively over the months, as I found out when none of my fair-weather friends came out to see me for a post-lsat outing. So I thought, fuck em, I'm renouncing them and getting new friends. But where does one get new friends? So for now I'm still a loner, even more than ever.
It's a period of transition, and it's difficult because I'm not making any changes to my life and I think like I'm the same person. But I'm not. Living at home, I'm not a social animal; any outing has to be highly organized and planned ahead of time - and my old modus operandi was "seat of one's pants" par excellence - and the time I used to spend hanging out and doing stupid stuff is now spent at home, with my parents or in front of the tv. On top of that, I don't have anything important/urgent to do on my own. It's strange. I have a new persona merging, but I'm carrying on as if I weren't.
The result is a deep dissatisfaction with my day to day. It's not quite at the stage of depression yet, since I still feel some interest in doing stuff (I just don't know what), but I feel it coming soon. It's time for a turn--around. I'm going to start dancing again. I started looking into getting therapy, something I've wanted forever. Speaking of therapy, it totally outran the rate of inflation. I remember getting some quotes around 3 years ago, and back then it was $80 for a psychologist and $40 for a licensed clinical social worker. It was too steep for me back then, but man oh man should I have taken it! Making some calls today, I learn that a psychologist in LA is $160 for the first visit and $125 for subsequent visits, while a licensed clinical social worker in Chino is $200 for the first visit and $125 for subsequent visits. (Don't ask me how that works.) My insurance will cover 1/5 of that. So here's the crazy part: I'm still considering doing it.
It's a period of transition, and it's difficult because I'm not making any changes to my life and I think like I'm the same person. But I'm not. Living at home, I'm not a social animal; any outing has to be highly organized and planned ahead of time - and my old modus operandi was "seat of one's pants" par excellence - and the time I used to spend hanging out and doing stupid stuff is now spent at home, with my parents or in front of the tv. On top of that, I don't have anything important/urgent to do on my own. It's strange. I have a new persona merging, but I'm carrying on as if I weren't.
The result is a deep dissatisfaction with my day to day. It's not quite at the stage of depression yet, since I still feel some interest in doing stuff (I just don't know what), but I feel it coming soon. It's time for a turn--around. I'm going to start dancing again. I started looking into getting therapy, something I've wanted forever. Speaking of therapy, it totally outran the rate of inflation. I remember getting some quotes around 3 years ago, and back then it was $80 for a psychologist and $40 for a licensed clinical social worker. It was too steep for me back then, but man oh man should I have taken it! Making some calls today, I learn that a psychologist in LA is $160 for the first visit and $125 for subsequent visits, while a licensed clinical social worker in Chino is $200 for the first visit and $125 for subsequent visits. (Don't ask me how that works.) My insurance will cover 1/5 of that. So here's the crazy part: I'm still considering doing it.
posted by Rex at 10:07 AM
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