The Institution of Marriage
I've observed a long time ago that there's a difference between love and marriage. All the evidence seemed to suggest that difference lay in children and family; premodern marriages more often than not took place exclusively for the purposes of property and its continuance, while even modern paradigms of love and marriage - eg, the woman on the side, whom the man will never ever marry, no matter how much she nags and threatens (love), and the child-bearing wife whom the man hardly ever sees but will never leave (marriage) - would confirm that the distinguishing mark of marriage is its privileged legal status.
But watching the Girls Next Door has made me realize that this view of marriage is far too romantic! It's still practical in they way that love is not, but rather than legal status, marriage is simply an arrangement of food/shelter and sex. This model, suggested by Hef's harem, is entirely consistent with all the above-mentioned observations about the marriage of convenience - except instead of being wholly practical, it's a little bit shady, somewhat exploitative, and totally opportunistic.
Don't get me wrong, I've come to enjoy the Girls Next Door, in spite of myself. I think it's the best picture I'll ever get in my lifetime of a truly functional polygamous relationship. It reveals a lot of surprising aspects of such an arrangement. For example, Hef has a lot more affection and consideration for each one of the girls than you'd expect from someone who is (a) so old, and (b) the original playboy (who furthermore has a solid history of trading your ass in, in a heartbeat, for the next 19-year-old blonde); I might even concede that it's SOME version of love, like Hef is always saying ("you could be in love with more than one person" etc). Secondly, the girls themselves share a lot more amicability and fun among themselves than I would have guessed. It's kind of touching how they act almost like a family. Even though there's an understood pecking order, they all have a more developed relationship to each other (except maybe Holly and Kendra), and there isn't so much of that jealous, obsessive, Hef-centric mutual mistrust that would seem to characterize a harem. The girls sometimes (as in this week's episode) even take outings by themselves, without Hef - provided that they try to get back home in time for curfew.
It was Bridget mentioning something about curfew in this episode that brought me down from the happy, idyllic view of the polygamous relationship, and made me remember just how truly fucked up it is. I don't know if polygamy is inherently fucked up (I'm inclined to think it is, because it's heartbreaking to see the person you love in love with someone else, and you'd have to be a retard to stand by and watch that ish every day), but I do know that you have to be fucked up to be in one now, when our contemporary mores are constantly dictating that you deserve "better." What grown, modernized woman (besides me, living at home) would consent to have a curfew imposed upon her? Then I remembered the obvious: Holly, Bridget, and Kendra are basically hookers, as transparent as they get! And yet their hooking does a fairly convincing masquerade of marriage and/or family, times three. I wondered if this is because marriage and hooking were never that different to begin with. Polygamy certainly thrived in earlier periods and across cultures; for all we know, the psychological impulse was exactly the same then as it is now - that is, it's a torturous thing to have to endure, but you make the best of it because the prize far outweighs the cost (you believe). For the girls next door, that prize is money and fame. For a less luxurious society, that prize could just be food and shelter, for yourself and that baby the bastard knocked you up with. Cf. The Joy Luck Club.
In sum, love and marriage are different (duh). Polygamy, a weird, amorphous middle ground between the two, is an interesting place to examine the caveman economics that first drove us to agree to socialize on the basis of sexual intercourse.
But watching the Girls Next Door has made me realize that this view of marriage is far too romantic! It's still practical in they way that love is not, but rather than legal status, marriage is simply an arrangement of food/shelter and sex. This model, suggested by Hef's harem, is entirely consistent with all the above-mentioned observations about the marriage of convenience - except instead of being wholly practical, it's a little bit shady, somewhat exploitative, and totally opportunistic.
Don't get me wrong, I've come to enjoy the Girls Next Door, in spite of myself. I think it's the best picture I'll ever get in my lifetime of a truly functional polygamous relationship. It reveals a lot of surprising aspects of such an arrangement. For example, Hef has a lot more affection and consideration for each one of the girls than you'd expect from someone who is (a) so old, and (b) the original playboy (who furthermore has a solid history of trading your ass in, in a heartbeat, for the next 19-year-old blonde); I might even concede that it's SOME version of love, like Hef is always saying ("you could be in love with more than one person" etc). Secondly, the girls themselves share a lot more amicability and fun among themselves than I would have guessed. It's kind of touching how they act almost like a family. Even though there's an understood pecking order, they all have a more developed relationship to each other (except maybe Holly and Kendra), and there isn't so much of that jealous, obsessive, Hef-centric mutual mistrust that would seem to characterize a harem. The girls sometimes (as in this week's episode) even take outings by themselves, without Hef - provided that they try to get back home in time for curfew.
It was Bridget mentioning something about curfew in this episode that brought me down from the happy, idyllic view of the polygamous relationship, and made me remember just how truly fucked up it is. I don't know if polygamy is inherently fucked up (I'm inclined to think it is, because it's heartbreaking to see the person you love in love with someone else, and you'd have to be a retard to stand by and watch that ish every day), but I do know that you have to be fucked up to be in one now, when our contemporary mores are constantly dictating that you deserve "better." What grown, modernized woman (besides me, living at home) would consent to have a curfew imposed upon her? Then I remembered the obvious: Holly, Bridget, and Kendra are basically hookers, as transparent as they get! And yet their hooking does a fairly convincing masquerade of marriage and/or family, times three. I wondered if this is because marriage and hooking were never that different to begin with. Polygamy certainly thrived in earlier periods and across cultures; for all we know, the psychological impulse was exactly the same then as it is now - that is, it's a torturous thing to have to endure, but you make the best of it because the prize far outweighs the cost (you believe). For the girls next door, that prize is money and fame. For a less luxurious society, that prize could just be food and shelter, for yourself and that baby the bastard knocked you up with. Cf. The Joy Luck Club.
In sum, love and marriage are different (duh). Polygamy, a weird, amorphous middle ground between the two, is an interesting place to examine the caveman economics that first drove us to agree to socialize on the basis of sexual intercourse.
posted by Rex at 12:45 PM
2 Comments:
I really actually like that show too! In a recent episode, Holly was basically telling Hef that she wants to get married. Given the fact that he is still technically just separated from his wife, who lives with his son next door, I think Hef is going to take a while to warm to the idea. I really like Bridget and Holly. Kendra is kind of like, huh?
I think Kenny had the best summary of Kendra:
hehh heh heh heh hhheehhehh hehhe hhehh hhheheehh hhehh
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