World's Ugliest Shoes
Oh, the things you see on the subway: it really is a cross-section of the city. Sometimes it's the crazed vagrant who starts yelling out random Asian greetings in your direction so that you'll notice...oh wait, that seems to happen anywhere and everywhere. Other times it's the weirdly sane vagrant who's giving you advice about vitamin C, or a toothless vagrant giving you his unopened bag of cheetos, and saying that when he gets his implants, he'd like to get a big-toothed, toothy smile like yours... And then there's the person who looks more like a forest ranger than a vagrant, and seeming to be reasonably sane, except that she smells like pee and is carrying around a bag of cans.
I've stopped sitting on the subway seats, when I can help it. I've seen one too many people rest their can-bags on those seats. I've also stopped using the handrails because people's hands are notoriously germy. I try not to lean on the walls either. So between all that standing and stumbling around and dirt-phobia and the dirty underground air, my half hour on the subway each day is a pretty fucking uncomfortable experience.
But I digress.
I saw one member of this cross-section wearing the most astounding shoes; I couldn't stop staring at them, and it was a lucky thing her back was turned toward me. I think the the shoes can best be defined as Gladiator sandals, but they arrived that effect by borrowing the character from so many other kinds of shoes. The sole was soft and flat, like ballet slippers. The toe was strappy, like some Eastern-inspired hippie Birkenstock thing, except black and leather. From the ankle upward it was a straight up motorcycle boot, complete with straps and buckles and reaching the mid-calf. To top it all off - and this is so wonderful that I still can't believe my eyes - the woman was wearing these thick, flesh-colored, closed-toed stockings. With knee length shorts and an emsemble that basically looked like she was going to a PTA meeting, or gardening.
Oh, oh! It's too much! Too much.
I've stopped sitting on the subway seats, when I can help it. I've seen one too many people rest their can-bags on those seats. I've also stopped using the handrails because people's hands are notoriously germy. I try not to lean on the walls either. So between all that standing and stumbling around and dirt-phobia and the dirty underground air, my half hour on the subway each day is a pretty fucking uncomfortable experience.
But I digress.
I saw one member of this cross-section wearing the most astounding shoes; I couldn't stop staring at them, and it was a lucky thing her back was turned toward me. I think the the shoes can best be defined as Gladiator sandals, but they arrived that effect by borrowing the character from so many other kinds of shoes. The sole was soft and flat, like ballet slippers. The toe was strappy, like some Eastern-inspired hippie Birkenstock thing, except black and leather. From the ankle upward it was a straight up motorcycle boot, complete with straps and buckles and reaching the mid-calf. To top it all off - and this is so wonderful that I still can't believe my eyes - the woman was wearing these thick, flesh-colored, closed-toed stockings. With knee length shorts and an emsemble that basically looked like she was going to a PTA meeting, or gardening.
Oh, oh! It's too much! Too much.
posted by Rex at 9:28 PM
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