Conan the Barbarian

It isn't THAT much better than Destroyer. Sure, SOME of the movie was everything I could have hoped for and more, but other parts are too slow-moving to make a real humdinger. Like there are stretches of just riding horses through the terrain. On the plus side, there's quite a bit of some gratuitous nudity - including the most obscenely ridiculous sex scene with the witch - camel-punching, axe- and sledgehammer-fighting, Troma-like blood squirts, implied cannibalism, a giant snake being hacked to a pulp, and of course, silly dialogue ("Why are you crying?" "He is Conan the Cimmerian. He does not cry. So I cry for him"). Also, the beheading of Thulsa Doom (what a name!) was excellent enough to bring a tear to your eye.

Finally, the lamentation-of-women line is not to be missed. At any cost. But you all knew that already.