Dr. Bikini's Idiot Guide to Making a Woman Happy
We've all been there, hearing men complain about how women are so difficult and irrational and manipulative - in short, that he can't figure out what's going through her mind, before he just writes it off as "playing games." It occurred to me that, actually, women aren't difficult at all; their demands are finite and predictable, and so for the benefit of mankind and womankind I formulated a theory, asked around to see if people accepted it, and now I'm sharing it. Suggestions are welcome.
1. ACT LIKE YOU ENJOY HER COMPANY. In other words, don't treat her like she's some burden that you have to put up with when you'd rather be doing something else. Don't promise to call, and then just say you're calling because you said you'd call; that's almost worse than not promising at all. Instead, try saying that you like talking to her.
2. SHOW SIGNS THAT YOU ARE THINKING OF HER EVEN WHEN SHE'S NOT RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE. This is where the phone calls and gifts come in. It's not about the quality of the gifts, it's about the reassurance that the woman is not totally forgettable. No one wants to be forgettable. And no one wants to be used just because she happens to be convenient. It's true that better gifts are expected when you're supposed to put a lot of thought into them - ie Valentine's Day - but on the right day even a Pez dispenser will be deeply appreciated.
3. BE PHYSICALLY PRESENT. This is perhaps the trickiest of the three, with the most variation according to the person. Unlike items 1 and 2, which address the "Jesus, he makes me feel like shit," complaint, this last item is meant to keep her from wondering, "Why do I even have a boyfriend? What is his utility?" Let's say there are some basic minimum occassions that you should spend with her: birthdays, Valentine's, big celebrations (like graduation), and some of the date nights (= Friday and/or Saturday). Add to this certain other times when she feels she really needs your presence. For some this could mean professional obligations, for others parties where she has to show up her friends; others still might require a hobby partner. For example, I personally might start to ponder the uselessness of a man if he refuses to go with me to dangerous urban areas where I usually have to go to hear live music. Etc. etc.
The rest of the relationship should be games-independent: don't lie, don't cheat, be compatible, and inspire love.
1. ACT LIKE YOU ENJOY HER COMPANY. In other words, don't treat her like she's some burden that you have to put up with when you'd rather be doing something else. Don't promise to call, and then just say you're calling because you said you'd call; that's almost worse than not promising at all. Instead, try saying that you like talking to her.
2. SHOW SIGNS THAT YOU ARE THINKING OF HER EVEN WHEN SHE'S NOT RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE. This is where the phone calls and gifts come in. It's not about the quality of the gifts, it's about the reassurance that the woman is not totally forgettable. No one wants to be forgettable. And no one wants to be used just because she happens to be convenient. It's true that better gifts are expected when you're supposed to put a lot of thought into them - ie Valentine's Day - but on the right day even a Pez dispenser will be deeply appreciated.
3. BE PHYSICALLY PRESENT. This is perhaps the trickiest of the three, with the most variation according to the person. Unlike items 1 and 2, which address the "Jesus, he makes me feel like shit," complaint, this last item is meant to keep her from wondering, "Why do I even have a boyfriend? What is his utility?" Let's say there are some basic minimum occassions that you should spend with her: birthdays, Valentine's, big celebrations (like graduation), and some of the date nights (= Friday and/or Saturday). Add to this certain other times when she feels she really needs your presence. For some this could mean professional obligations, for others parties where she has to show up her friends; others still might require a hobby partner. For example, I personally might start to ponder the uselessness of a man if he refuses to go with me to dangerous urban areas where I usually have to go to hear live music. Etc. etc.
The rest of the relationship should be games-independent: don't lie, don't cheat, be compatible, and inspire love.
posted by Rex at 4:31 PM
4 Comments:
You definitely boiled it down. Good work, Rex!
This is a really good summary.I think the real problem is that even if a guy did this, a woman would still complain/get bored. I think another addendum should be "get lost for a while." For whatever reason there needs to be some amount of tension in the relationship so neither party gets complacent and utterly and completely bored. It doesnt have to be ever present tension. Just a card pulled every now and again...
My brother had a suggestion that might take care of all the kinks in my theory: boil down my 3 points to 1...
DO WHATEVER YOU THINK WILL MAKE HER GIRLFRIENDS JEALOUS.
AHAHAHAHAHA! Excellent suggestion. Your brother must be a real Casa Nova ;-)
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