Isn't It Funny
how the smaller your social circle gets, the more intolerant you are of the people in it? I recall that once upon a time I had many friends who got on my nerves a lot, but I still liked them in spite of their flaws; and even if I talked shit about them, it didn't mean that I wasn't going to get over it or that I didn't want to be friends anymore.
Now I find that the very people I was defending a year ago with my oft-cited "sliding scale" ("hey, they're not as bad as they could be...") are the people I wouldn't mind cutting out of my life - better die with honor than put up with people I don't like, right? One of these people is Shaggy, the douchebag who made me buy his beers on Friday. Another is now known as the Sociopath; nuff said. A third is a girl I barely know, a classic codependent who was like, "What the fuck is a friend?" until one day she finds herself single, and now in panic wants to grab the nearest buddy to gossip about Boys, and if she's lucky, hook her up with her next boyfriend (she all but admitted this to me in our 10-minute conversation, in which she asked me how I (= the perpetual single) tend to meet people - which is innocent enough if she sincerely just wanted to make friends - but then she went on to talk about all her contacts in terms of their ability to provide potential next-boyfriends). Ha, like I need another one of THOSE in my life!...
Then it occurred to me that perhaps I have so little patience for those types because...I already have enough of them among my friends! So what is it about this chick that makes that same quality so unforgivable? Why is it that I was able to put up with this irritant in my old friends, whereas now it's like a one-way ticket to my shit list? The fault must be in me, that I'm becoming more intolerant and misanthropic. If I keep this up, I won't have any friends left, so you'd think I'd resolve to mend my ways -
But then I think about Shaggy and ask: but really, am I wrong to refuse to compromise?
Now I find that the very people I was defending a year ago with my oft-cited "sliding scale" ("hey, they're not as bad as they could be...") are the people I wouldn't mind cutting out of my life - better die with honor than put up with people I don't like, right? One of these people is Shaggy, the douchebag who made me buy his beers on Friday. Another is now known as the Sociopath; nuff said. A third is a girl I barely know, a classic codependent who was like, "What the fuck is a friend?" until one day she finds herself single, and now in panic wants to grab the nearest buddy to gossip about Boys, and if she's lucky, hook her up with her next boyfriend (she all but admitted this to me in our 10-minute conversation, in which she asked me how I (= the perpetual single) tend to meet people - which is innocent enough if she sincerely just wanted to make friends - but then she went on to talk about all her contacts in terms of their ability to provide potential next-boyfriends). Ha, like I need another one of THOSE in my life!...
Then it occurred to me that perhaps I have so little patience for those types because...I already have enough of them among my friends! So what is it about this chick that makes that same quality so unforgivable? Why is it that I was able to put up with this irritant in my old friends, whereas now it's like a one-way ticket to my shit list? The fault must be in me, that I'm becoming more intolerant and misanthropic. If I keep this up, I won't have any friends left, so you'd think I'd resolve to mend my ways -
But then I think about Shaggy and ask: but really, am I wrong to refuse to compromise?
posted by Rex at 11:51 PM
5 Comments:
Misanthropy only grows with age because of the ever-increasing sample size of shitheads to which one is exposed.
haha, i like the comment above. but seriously you're not wrong. my crazy old roommmate? yeah she's exactly like that, disappears once she gets a boyfriend. little did i know that they'd come disappear in my apartment! i mean i lived w/ her and still hardly interacted w/ her b/c her boyfriend was around. and you know, before all of this happened i recognized the codependency and thought, well, everyone's different, its weird to cut people out of your life, i'll just keep her as an acquaintance. uuum, yeah, i've learned from my mistakes. its like a hospital practice, you only have so many resources to take on so many patients of a certain type. once you've filled up the patient slots, you can accept no more people e.g. if you run a hematology practice and can accept 10 patients with hemophilia. patient #11 is going to have to go to another practice b/c sorry, you no longer have enough resources for him. IF it were the case that NO other practice could accept #11 then, out of the goodness of your heart you can accept the patient.
well back to friends. the older you get i think the more you start learning from your experiences about which people are worthy and also, you get all this new life responsibility thrown at you which drains your energy. why let friendship be a drag too?
i don't have many friends in my grad program and i've come to terms with that. sure i'd like to like more people but i'm not going to force myself b/c at least i know with the friends i do have, they've got my back and wont make me want to jump off a cliff (most of the time).
so in short - tell that chick to swim up shit creek, cause you've got better things to do
:)
YOu become less tolerant because you become less needy on others to make things okay. Also, we begin to select friend using K-selection instead of R-selection mechanism of natural selection. For most us, we hopefully begin to develop a sense of selfworth that is internally defined, while beginning to choose quality over quantity when it comes to friends. Hence, that is why we are friends. Or, am I Sociopath? Do you Like ME? Who am I, what am i worth to you ... and me... ahhhhh!!! ;)
Hm, I don't know what K-selection and R-selection are, so I'm going to have to go with the hemotology model.
Although, I thought about it some more and I noticed that maybe I'm not REALLY friends with the hemophiliacs. If I have any in my life, they're probably all just of the patient #11 standing.
K-selection: Like Humans, few offspring into which invest a large number of resources.
R-selection: Like Rabits, large number of offspring into which we invest the minimun number of resources.
Generally paraphrased as quality investment vs.quantity investement.
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