Things Will Be Looking Up Soon

I found my watch. One down, two more to go.

I've also worked myself into an awkward situation that I know can only get better from here. For the past few weeks I was sporadically trying to date a new person (Philosophy Guy henceforth), and only last Friday did we decide that we would be better off as friends. Unfortunately, this came after our agreeing to go out on Saturday to a big dance party around here, and we kept this date, though as "friends." Talk about uncomfortable! He was clearly trying to get his game on, I was trying not to get pissed off at him (even if one doesn't feel jealousy per se, it's still a foolish-looking place to be caught in), and after about 1 it got so crowded that I didn't even want to dance anymore. So I sat out, and told him that he didn't have to worry about keeping me company. He took this advice rather fully and literally, so there I was waiting, because I promised to give him a ride home. Alone in meditation, I started to wonder where all the good times had gone. It didn't used to be so hard to make a friend. And it used to be easy to have fun. I started to miss my friends back home, until I remembered that it wouldn't be the same anyways; I'm more sedate these days, and I would have been tired no matter who I was with...

At about 20 to 2 I couldn't take it anymore, so I went home and told Philosophy Guy to call me if he needed a ride. It occurred to me that if he wanted to go home with someone else that night, I didn't need to hear about it. It's a good thing I went home, too, because as soon as I did I noticed it was daylight savings, and the party would go on for an extra hour - which I surely couldn't stand.

I guess the thing about relationships (of all kinds) is that they always take a lot of effort, but I seem to feel the burden of it more the older I get. I know I'll be great friends with Philosophy Guy once we get past this transition; I just wish I could get there without feeling like it's such a drag now.