New Theory
I was hanging out with Butterfly and some of her friends at yesterday's BBQ, and naturally the conversation turned to our favorite topic, boys. I got to hear a different perspective this time because Butterfly's three friends were two guys in a relationship, plus the wife of one of those guys.
I was going about my usual rant, why are men such crackheads? Butterfly declared that LA men were the worst. While you could predict the normal sleazy behavior of most other men, there was no telling what the LA man would do; often you have to pull teeth just to get the first date, which is kinda unheard of to the rest of the world.
"That's true," I said. "You usually assume that guys are always just trying to get laid - and so you work with it, adjust your expectations, and get two or three good dates out of him. But LA guys...I don't know, they just want to get high!"
To my surprise, one of the guys agreed with my crackpot theorizing. "But there's a plus to that," he said. "Most other guys just want to get laid, but that means they're trying to get laid by EVERYONE."
"Ahh...! So are you saying that the LA guy ideally gets laid by one girl, and spends the rest of the time getting high?"
"Yes. Well...ideally, he'd get high with the girl."
This was an interesting suggestion, one that challenged my old conviction that men are mostly motivated by a fear of commitment. According to Butterfly's friend's theory, commitment is a highly desired thing, because men are lazy in addition to horny, and they could get the best of both worlds if they had the girlfriend to do all the heavy relationship lifting for them. Makes sense, right? It fits with what we know about the other major drugged-up demographic: teen to early-college years. Folk wisdom says that if you want a guy to fall crazy in love with you and become obsessed and pathetic after a drunken hook-up, you should nab a guy who's 19. Naivete no doubt is partly responsible, but it also has something to do with his being too damn lazy to pursue all the other fish in the sea.
All this was most illuminating. It made me think that I had been deflecting unfair blame on the other party. It's a well-known fact that I'm not ready for commitment, but all this time I've been declaiming about how much men suck for their instability. Maybe it's the case that they didn't want to give me a chance because they could tell I was only going to stick around for a few dates, 2 months max, and they were looking for someone who could take care of all the ass-wiping for them while they get high. So -
Experiment: the next time I meet a potential significant other, right away talk about a long-term life together, instead of politely respecting his personal space. We'll see what happens. It's possible nothing different will happen, which would then confirm my other working theory, that it doesn't matter what the hell I do.
I was going about my usual rant, why are men such crackheads? Butterfly declared that LA men were the worst. While you could predict the normal sleazy behavior of most other men, there was no telling what the LA man would do; often you have to pull teeth just to get the first date, which is kinda unheard of to the rest of the world.
"That's true," I said. "You usually assume that guys are always just trying to get laid - and so you work with it, adjust your expectations, and get two or three good dates out of him. But LA guys...I don't know, they just want to get high!"
To my surprise, one of the guys agreed with my crackpot theorizing. "But there's a plus to that," he said. "Most other guys just want to get laid, but that means they're trying to get laid by EVERYONE."
"Ahh...! So are you saying that the LA guy ideally gets laid by one girl, and spends the rest of the time getting high?"
"Yes. Well...ideally, he'd get high with the girl."
This was an interesting suggestion, one that challenged my old conviction that men are mostly motivated by a fear of commitment. According to Butterfly's friend's theory, commitment is a highly desired thing, because men are lazy in addition to horny, and they could get the best of both worlds if they had the girlfriend to do all the heavy relationship lifting for them. Makes sense, right? It fits with what we know about the other major drugged-up demographic: teen to early-college years. Folk wisdom says that if you want a guy to fall crazy in love with you and become obsessed and pathetic after a drunken hook-up, you should nab a guy who's 19. Naivete no doubt is partly responsible, but it also has something to do with his being too damn lazy to pursue all the other fish in the sea.
All this was most illuminating. It made me think that I had been deflecting unfair blame on the other party. It's a well-known fact that I'm not ready for commitment, but all this time I've been declaiming about how much men suck for their instability. Maybe it's the case that they didn't want to give me a chance because they could tell I was only going to stick around for a few dates, 2 months max, and they were looking for someone who could take care of all the ass-wiping for them while they get high. So -
Experiment: the next time I meet a potential significant other, right away talk about a long-term life together, instead of politely respecting his personal space. We'll see what happens. It's possible nothing different will happen, which would then confirm my other working theory, that it doesn't matter what the hell I do.
posted by Rex at 12:44 PM
1 Comments:
Hmm.. me thinks that talk of long term commitment early on would have the same effect of scaring a guy off if they are looking for a gf to be lazy with. Girlfriends are a major benefit to lazy men, but even the men would rather be tricked into the situation. Part of a retarded game I presume. Anyway, I think the better idea would be to monitor what you say to a guy you just meet. When we don't want to/are afraid to get into commitments we unconciously say and do a lot of stuff thats counterproductive to what we conciously think we want - Says me who swore I wanted a relationship at some point in college but ended up dating the MOST non-commital people.. Looking forward to the results of the experiments either way :)
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