Retard Disco and Coomerz

I came across something entertaining while looking up the record label Retard Disco. Here's the synopsis from the label's wesite:

The "Lost" Retard Disco Release
TWO L.A. HO'S by Coomerz
This 15-year-old skater kid named Coomerz who we'd met just once started calling us a few months later (usually drunk and very late at night) and leaving songs on our answering machine. We wanted to compile them all, but then he stopped calling. You can't harness the wind, you can't hold fire in your hands. Alas, we did manage to salvage this one song, recorded circa 1999

And the link: http://www.retarddisco.com/mp3/coomerz_two_la_hos.mp3

How did I get around to researching this topic? It started off with two likable songs I heard on the radio this morning.

1. The first was by this San Francisco band called the Hospitals. They sound both trippy and punky, consisting of drums and two guitars, no bass. They're main website is their myspace, which is either not updated, or the band is not active and/or networked; only 600 odd "friends" and no gigs. No gigs = dead end (at least for me).

2. The second song was by this Orange County band called the Epsilons. More of the straight-up punk that I'm into, a mix between pop and hardcore. The Epsilons are at that cusp of their career, the time when they can maybe make it big(ger) and take their label to the next level, or go back to working at Wendy's; thus they seem to be touring vigorously and without discrimination - free shows, and even people's basements. Tomorrow night is a relatively major gig at the Smell.

This is a problem for me because, unless I were totally left with no choice, I REFUSE TO GO BACK TO THE SMELL. I like to slum it in a theoretical way (camp, smut, grunge, ghetto, etc...in ART), but I'm also still a suburban nancy-boy at heart. The Smell is located in the central hobo-tent + cardboard box + urine district of downtown LA, and it's main entrance is in the back, accessible only through this long back alleyway, and the last time I was there I was nearly hyperventillating with fear at all the homeless people who were close enough to TOUCH me (not to mention assault me, etc) with their unwashed hands. I even put my keys and my phone in my pockets, so that if I should be robbed of my purse, I would still be able to get home.

Anyways, the Epsilons. Naturally after these recollections about the Smell, I checked to see if they were playing any other dates in the area this summer. The next LA gig is in July, at a venue called Fort Cool II.

3. Fort Cool II is best explained by its bio on myspace: "fort cool started as a fort that bill lived in for 5 months. then rich, andrew, and bill moved into fort cool II. 5009 w. adams. los angeles. we got shows every other week. and its always a party."

I wouldn't have thought it possible, but this venue sounds even WORSE than the Smell. Is it a private home? Is it even a home? Or is a shack, or an abandoned warehouse, or someone's backyard? Why would anyone be crazy enough to do something like this?

4. Then I noticed that they listed Retard Disco as their label, and it occurred to me that maybe Bill, Rich, and Andrew were the founders of the label, and they came up with this crazy fort-party idea because they had to, as a promotional scheme. That's when I looked up the record label's site (incidentally, the Epsilons' label) for info, and that's when I discovered that lost artist named Coomerz - and thus we come back to the beginning of this post.