Blues

I was trying to deny it to myself, but I think I've fallen into one of my depressions again. I haven't had an episode since just before Thanksgiving, so it's been a pretty good spell for me. In fact, if you consider the parallelism of the timing, it just may be the doldrums one gets around now, because the semester should be so OVER by now.

But the funny thing is how inclined I feel to attach an image to my blues. I was feeling really sad today because I had not been able to work it out with ADD Boy (formerly the Jilter). It was a long and boring drama that last for two months, in which I saw him maybe four times and had three falling outs, but it just dragged on and on and on simply because he had trouble remembering that I existed...until I gave up on him, and then suddenly he'd remember me, and so we tangoed miserably. Finally I got worn out with it all, and told him to stop calling. "I'm trying to reduce the white noise in my life," I said.

Anyways, the crazy thing is I started to miss him today. He was never close enough to be a friend, and so there was with him, at least theoretically, the possibility of a vacation from myself, this tired little Biosphere Rex.

I'm dreaming of a tropical white sand beach, in a chair with the tide coming over my feet, and a palm tree shade swinging in and out.