Madonna-Whore Complex
I've long maintained that anyone in my family couldn't help but grow up to have a madonna-whore complex. Of course, I applied this mostly to my brother, and other members of my family who aren't me. I don't know why it took me so long to realize this, but I had a random psychological breakthrough the other day, that I MYSELF have a madonna-whore complex. Duh! How could it be otherwise?
I've been aware of this problem for some time, that I can't seem to feel any respect for the men with whom I'm involved; or, another way of putting this would be, I can't respect any man who would involve himself WITH ME. I've always found this vaguely troubling - did I have profound self-esteem problems, if I thought any significant other of mine automatically was a loser? - but I never gave much thought to the matter, as my self-esteem seemed healthy enough, as far as I could tell.
Then it occurred to me that my madonna-whore complex is a two-way street. I can't become involved with a person unless I see him as a whore, just as I myself become a whore in my eyes if I so much as flirt with a boy. Naturally, this does not stop me from flirting; I simply make a little mental adjustment to myself that I'm of a different status ("whore"; though for such a long time I've used the misleading label, "liberated"), and I go along on my merry way. Furthermore, in dating I (surely must) seek out people who could plausibly be considered whores.
It's obvious that I have to change my way of thinking if I'm ever to engage in a normal, healthy relationship. I have to get used to the fact that mutual respect does not automatically mean a platonic relationship, and only then, maybe, will I stop getting dumped for my abstinence. Ironic, isn't it?
I've been aware of this problem for some time, that I can't seem to feel any respect for the men with whom I'm involved; or, another way of putting this would be, I can't respect any man who would involve himself WITH ME. I've always found this vaguely troubling - did I have profound self-esteem problems, if I thought any significant other of mine automatically was a loser? - but I never gave much thought to the matter, as my self-esteem seemed healthy enough, as far as I could tell.
Then it occurred to me that my madonna-whore complex is a two-way street. I can't become involved with a person unless I see him as a whore, just as I myself become a whore in my eyes if I so much as flirt with a boy. Naturally, this does not stop me from flirting; I simply make a little mental adjustment to myself that I'm of a different status ("whore"; though for such a long time I've used the misleading label, "liberated"), and I go along on my merry way. Furthermore, in dating I (surely must) seek out people who could plausibly be considered whores.
It's obvious that I have to change my way of thinking if I'm ever to engage in a normal, healthy relationship. I have to get used to the fact that mutual respect does not automatically mean a platonic relationship, and only then, maybe, will I stop getting dumped for my abstinence. Ironic, isn't it?
posted by Rex at 5:29 PM
1 Comments:
Hmm. You know, I'm starting to see why you love the character Woody Allen plays in his movies so much... I think you have a lot in common with him. That's not supposed to be a negative thing, and I know you wont' take it as such, since you worship him. But remember Annie Hall's intro? "I would never want to belong to a club that would have someone like me as a member." That's one of the things you're driving at.
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