First Week of School - Reflections

I haven't posted in a while. It's a combination of me being too depressed/homesick, and too busy. This is a very social department, which is great; I really like a lot of the people I've met. On the other hand, I miss my old friends and my family, and my dog. I used to follow that school of thought that said that one can always make new friends, but as I get older, I'm starting to feel that you won't find as many people who are willing to give you a piece of their heart, nor are you as willing to give them a piece of your heart. Thus, old friends are unique and beautiful snowflakes, and family of course is irreplacable.

Grad work is both too hard and too easy. The first of these was expected, the second is causing some anxiety. Last weekend, during all that schmoozing, I experienced that wave of "I'm too dumb to be here" because I discovered that there's this whole academic underground, where everyone knows everyone else and who is in bed with whom - everyone, that is, but me. Also, I felt that I was actually dumber than everyone else, in the actual sense. It happens every time someone talks about something you haven't read. But then I thought, Hey that's expected, and, Well at least it's better than being the smartest one here, because that would be truly depressing.

Then I went to class and found out that I have ZERO papers to write. Thus, my graver fear was instantly realized, that I'm not being challenged enough. I'm still a little anxious about this, but it does look like the work load will start getting a little heavier, and I might swap or add a harder class, and if none of that works, I'll seek out some kind of project. Maybe I'll start that novel I've always said I'll write.

Meanwhile, this department's social committee is keeping us plenty busy. Tomorrow we have a party at the chair's house.