Chronicles of Andrea J

My friend has a kid sister named Andrea who is a hoot and a half. Andrea is 14-years-old, a nice kid, and perhaps even a bit dorky at one point; freckled and average-looking; the youngest of three siblings, and close to her mom and her sisters in a way that would foster empathy, you would think. But here's the pisser: she recently inaugurated herself into the "popular" group. The consequences have been dire: now she spends all her time at the mall with her friends, is rude to her family, is totally spoiled in her material demands (cell phone, designer clothes, etc.), and pretends to like "cool" movies like Napoleon Dynamite.

I'm fascinated by this character because she's so typically shallow (she actually uses the phrase "popular group" in self-designation), and yet conflicted. The result? Non-stop hilarity! That is, for a casual onlooker like me. Here are some of the recent stunts she's pulled.

In her junior high, there are three levels of English classes: honors, regular, and "stupid" (not my terminology; this is how the story was related to me). Much to her family's disappointment, Andrea didn't test into the honors class, but rather the regular class. However, all the popular boys had tested into the "stupid" English class, so Andrea insisted that the regular English class was too difficult for her, and that she must be moved to the "stupid" class. (Note: the popular girls were in the regular class; so Andrea one-upped them.)

Andrea's mom was thinking about moving the family from the Midwest to California. The other siblings all would have finished high school by then (in two years' time), so the only person the mom feared would put up a fight was Andrea. You see, when a teenager is that attached to her friends - and moreover, has worked so hard and sacrificed so much to reach her social status (which is so dear to her definition of selfhood) - you would think that said teenager would be reluctant to lose everything and start over. Much to everyone's surprise, Andrea expressed that she couldn't wait to move, and that she wished that the family could move immediately, instead of waiting two years. Her sister's interpretation? "I think Andrea is secretly sick of her friends and just wants to get away from it all. She can't work up the nerve to blow them off, so she hopes that moving will give her escape."

Isn't she a riot? More to come; I have a hunch that this will be an ongoing saga.