Our Worst Fears

of dystopia have come true. In the institution of the American gym.

As I was waiting to sign up for gym membership (to work off two months of 1-2 doughnuts/day) I gazed at the rows and rows of treadmills, ellipticals, stairmasters, cycling machines, rowing machines, weights, and other contraptions that a neophyte like me wouldn't understand, all filled to capacity. I thought, here is humanity enslaved - toiling in these vain and arduous labors in the worship of false idols. World domination has happened. This is how the mighty Caesars brought the world to its knees, two thousand years ago: not by force, but by beauty, humbling magnificence. But, at least the Romans' beauty was in marble and gold and marvels of engineering. Ours is far more stupid, like anorexics and sperm-less no-necks of the silver screeen. For their sake, we chain ourselves to a machine, and we sweat and break our backs, in toils that bear no greater fruit. Like I said, there's something apocalyptic about this place.

And then I jumped onto a treadmill and chained myself to my own vain labors.