Like a Pre-nup
I finally did what I vowed I'd do: I sat down and watched Sex and the City for six hours, straight (season 3). I will continue doing so until I've done the whole series.
Tonight's episodes covered Carrie's affair with Big, who's married to Natasha ("what a bullshit name"); her ongoing guilt toward Aidan, who's in love with her and so good to her; and yet her continuing inability to extricate herself from the situation. Carrie at last manages to end the affair; but tortured still by her guilt, she confesses to Aidan - even though the affair is behind her.
Aidan says, "I wish you hadn't told me."
I can't remember where else I read this, besides Gone with the Wind, but it seems to be a popularly-held, if fringe, belief that confessing this kind of thing when it's firmly in the past is the ultimate act of selfishness. It's unburdening your bad feelings and making the innocent person carry them instead.
It got me thinking: if I were Aidan, would I want to know the truth? Most certainly yes! I know it has to be on a case-by-case basis, varying on what you'll be losing and is there any hope of saving it; but I also know me, and (as Miranda says) I would want to know all the facts. Therefore, I propose that this is something couples should discuss before getting too deeply into a relationship, just like they do pre-nups before marriage. We should all ask: if I made a mistake in the past that is now securely over, would you want to know about it? Would you be able to get over it, or would you rather we kept a good thing going?
Tonight's episodes covered Carrie's affair with Big, who's married to Natasha ("what a bullshit name"); her ongoing guilt toward Aidan, who's in love with her and so good to her; and yet her continuing inability to extricate herself from the situation. Carrie at last manages to end the affair; but tortured still by her guilt, she confesses to Aidan - even though the affair is behind her.
Aidan says, "I wish you hadn't told me."
I can't remember where else I read this, besides Gone with the Wind, but it seems to be a popularly-held, if fringe, belief that confessing this kind of thing when it's firmly in the past is the ultimate act of selfishness. It's unburdening your bad feelings and making the innocent person carry them instead.
It got me thinking: if I were Aidan, would I want to know the truth? Most certainly yes! I know it has to be on a case-by-case basis, varying on what you'll be losing and is there any hope of saving it; but I also know me, and (as Miranda says) I would want to know all the facts. Therefore, I propose that this is something couples should discuss before getting too deeply into a relationship, just like they do pre-nups before marriage. We should all ask: if I made a mistake in the past that is now securely over, would you want to know about it? Would you be able to get over it, or would you rather we kept a good thing going?
posted by Rex at 3:52 AM
2 Comments:
If I were in the situation, I'd tell my partner that I'd want to know and that I'd be completely accepting of the truth. Little would they know that as soon as the last word of the confession tripped off their tounge, I'd be in my car pulling 100 mph... but thats just me :)
Exactly. It's much easier to dump a bastard when you have all the facts. I might possibly make exception, and ask for ignorance, only if we were legally bound, and/or had kids...and if the affair was definitely free of present consequences.
But this is all theoretical.
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