Memory Lane
I've busted out some Guns N' Roses, my first love, while I'm studying for this bullshit test. The thing about GNR is that it feels completely native to me - one could say that it was the vine pole I grew around - so that I find it the least distracting, which makes it excellent for studying.
The only thing that would make it distracting on this evening (other than the fact that I don't want to be studying for this text) is that I haven't listened to the Illusions in a long time. While Appetite is my present favorite and the objective best, I realized that the Ilusions are more the soundtrack of my life circa ages 9-16. And having that recollection of what feelings of isolation and hopelessness dominated my psyche back then, I suddenly remembered how I got to where I am. And my God, it blows your mind away. Looking back on the path makes you realize how accidental it all was.
If the nine-year-old me were to jump into a time machine and meet me now...?
I think the kid would be disappointed. Two things are true: first, Axl Rose 1991 was far crazier and far deeper than Axl Rose 1987; and second, I'm definitely more on the same wavelength now as Axl 1987. Part of it is just a function of our similarities in age, and so it makes sense that I would experience the same nihilistic, violent, and impatient joie de vivre that is appropriate for this time of life. But the real disappointing thing is that I must be less deep of a person than I was when I was nine.
Ha!
Because the truth is I'm not plagued anymore by a conviction in isolation and hopelessness. And yet, in a detached way, I know that these are the human condition. The nine-year-old me knows it too, and would be puzzled to find out that I've forgotten.
I would refer him or her to a conversation I had recently with Que-ni, about how the years between 21 and 30 show more growth and maturity than the years between, say, 12 and 21. Perhaps my past is a sign of things to come. Let's say at 14 I went through a profound period that made me identify with the life and times of Axl Rose at 28. It follows that when I'm 28 I will again become profound in a way that resembles my first profound period, because that first period was just a shadow version of what's appropriate at 28.
Still, it fucks with your head to think that you will become again what you've travelled so far to stop being. And that the real stranger is the you of now.
The only thing that would make it distracting on this evening (other than the fact that I don't want to be studying for this text) is that I haven't listened to the Illusions in a long time. While Appetite is my present favorite and the objective best, I realized that the Ilusions are more the soundtrack of my life circa ages 9-16. And having that recollection of what feelings of isolation and hopelessness dominated my psyche back then, I suddenly remembered how I got to where I am. And my God, it blows your mind away. Looking back on the path makes you realize how accidental it all was.
If the nine-year-old me were to jump into a time machine and meet me now...?
I think the kid would be disappointed. Two things are true: first, Axl Rose 1991 was far crazier and far deeper than Axl Rose 1987; and second, I'm definitely more on the same wavelength now as Axl 1987. Part of it is just a function of our similarities in age, and so it makes sense that I would experience the same nihilistic, violent, and impatient joie de vivre that is appropriate for this time of life. But the real disappointing thing is that I must be less deep of a person than I was when I was nine.
Ha!
Because the truth is I'm not plagued anymore by a conviction in isolation and hopelessness. And yet, in a detached way, I know that these are the human condition. The nine-year-old me knows it too, and would be puzzled to find out that I've forgotten.
I would refer him or her to a conversation I had recently with Que-ni, about how the years between 21 and 30 show more growth and maturity than the years between, say, 12 and 21. Perhaps my past is a sign of things to come. Let's say at 14 I went through a profound period that made me identify with the life and times of Axl Rose at 28. It follows that when I'm 28 I will again become profound in a way that resembles my first profound period, because that first period was just a shadow version of what's appropriate at 28.
Still, it fucks with your head to think that you will become again what you've travelled so far to stop being. And that the real stranger is the you of now.
posted by Rex at 1:00 AM
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