Theology, Cartmanland

Kyle:
Do you know what happened to me this morning, Stan? This morning... I woke up and felt a sharp pain in my ass. I felt down there and, and found this... big sore lump. On my ass, Stan. I couldn't even sit down, so... I, I had to tell my mother, which, which was humiliating. She took me to the doctor, which was more humiliating, a- a- nd he told me. I-I have a hemorrhoid. It's like an infected blood vessel on your ass. I'm nine years old, and I have a hemorrhoid, Stan. I have a hemorrhoid, and, Cartman has his own theme park.

[Hell's Pass Hospital]

Stan:
Dude, are you okay?

Kyle:
Oh, I'm swell, Stan. I popped my hemorrhoid trying to climb the fence into Cartmanland, and it got infected. I really need to go to the bathroom, but if I do, it will pop again and the pain will make me pass out. How are you?

Stan:
Well um, ah-I found out that Cartman is letting a few people each day into his theme park. I wa thinking we could put on disguises and get in.

Sheila:
Ah-ah-ah-I'm afraid Kyle can't ride any amusement park rides for over a year because of his horrible hemorrhoid.

Stan:
Jesus.

Kyle:
But it's okay, Stan, because I finally figured it out. You see, if someone like Cartman can get a million dollars and his own theme park, then there is no God. There's no God, dude.

Sheila:
Kyle, don't say such things!

Kyle:
Why? Why, Mom? Because if I do something bad will happen to me? Because if I do your God might not shower me with his blessings of infected hemorrhoids?