Anywhere But Here
My demands are not lavish. I'd be happy if I could just go outside and lay out in the sun (with sunblock) and people watch or hang with friends until it got dark, and drink smoothies. Unfortunately, that is not an option because I need my computer, and I have a hard time seeing my screen in direct sunlight. Also, there are no people to watch on the lawn outside my window. Also, my friends are off doing other things. Also, smoothies are no fun unless you're in the sun.
As I get older, I discover more and more that the world is a stranger. Growing up, there was never the problem of not having a community. It was always the opposite problem, where you wish people would just leave you the hell alone. And the problem is external to me, I know, because I'm basically the same. I ws depressed then, and I'm depressed now. But then I wanted to sit in a corner and be depressed, and now I'm in a corner and I want to get out.
The difference is that now I'm kind of by myself. I haven't talked to my mom or dad in a really long time (for me), and they're pretty much the backbone to my being able to feel strong and independent (oxymoron?). And I feel so trapped! It's a short-term necessity, but each day is like pulling teeth.
I was done with classes fairly early today, and I wanted so badly to go surfing. But then I remembered that I'm both sick and tired, literally - thus ruling out that mini vacation, which I needed more than I could say. I don't even think I could make it to the pool to swim laps, because I'm so phlegmy. So I'm stuck in my room again.
I would love it if I could just watch Sex and the City DVDs for the rest of the week and not look at another word of Latin poetry until I've gone through seasons 1-5...
What am I complaining about? I read poetry for a living, for pete's sake! Really, that just goes to show how perverse the mind is; it will never consent to being happy.
As I get older, I discover more and more that the world is a stranger. Growing up, there was never the problem of not having a community. It was always the opposite problem, where you wish people would just leave you the hell alone. And the problem is external to me, I know, because I'm basically the same. I ws depressed then, and I'm depressed now. But then I wanted to sit in a corner and be depressed, and now I'm in a corner and I want to get out.
The difference is that now I'm kind of by myself. I haven't talked to my mom or dad in a really long time (for me), and they're pretty much the backbone to my being able to feel strong and independent (oxymoron?). And I feel so trapped! It's a short-term necessity, but each day is like pulling teeth.
I was done with classes fairly early today, and I wanted so badly to go surfing. But then I remembered that I'm both sick and tired, literally - thus ruling out that mini vacation, which I needed more than I could say. I don't even think I could make it to the pool to swim laps, because I'm so phlegmy. So I'm stuck in my room again.
I would love it if I could just watch Sex and the City DVDs for the rest of the week and not look at another word of Latin poetry until I've gone through seasons 1-5...
What am I complaining about? I read poetry for a living, for pete's sake! Really, that just goes to show how perverse the mind is; it will never consent to being happy.
posted by Rex at 1:27 PM
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